We all know that sending newborns to daycare has innumerable benefits for their social lives, career prospects, and, most of all, their health.
Today, more and more savvy parents are augmenting their babies’ daycare immunity by visiting squalid communities of transients, sex-workers, and drug addicts.
The logic is simple: you want to build up your child’s immunity–the sooner, the better.
I mean, let’s face it, once they get to kindergarten, the illness floodgates will open in a big way, so the quicker you expose your little one to things like RSV, chicken pox, croup, scores of colds and flu viruses, and various rashes, the more immunity they’ll gain and the less time you’ll have to take off work to comfort/see them once they hit school age.
By extension, a growing number of parents are finding it advantageous to get their infants exposed to nastier bugs like Hepatitis C, tuberculosis, and HIV at a young age, so they won’t come home whining about a bloody cough, jaundice, or low T-Cell Count during their first weeks at public school.
This type of exposure therapy can offer positives that extend far beyond the obvious health benefits as well.
Infants will develop social skills that they would never gain by conversing with other 12-week-olds.
Think of the empathy and quick-thinking skills your bundle-of-joy will unlock by sharing a damp cigarette with a down-on-his-luck syphilitic drifter.
Also: STEM alert! Many of these communities use a fascinating barter economy where your child can learn the metric system—trade 20 grams of this for 50 CCs of that, and so forth.
Above all, early exposure can provide parents with a little peace and quiet. Your youngster will be so tired from fighting all these new and exciting illnesses that you’ll barely notice them as they vegetate in front of your iPad.
But don’t worry, that lethargy and malaise they’re experiencing now will pay dividends later!