Category: Society
Long Lost Photo Reveals Titanic Hit a Wahlberg
NEW YORK CITY – A shocking revelation was made this week when a photograph uncovered in the corner of a dusty attic changed the history behind a catastrophic event that took place on the night of April 14th into the…
Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down
Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers…
Fifty Shades of White
When I was first learning how to color in 1st grade, my art teacher taught us about red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, black and white. Pretty much all the colors I’ve needed ever since. Then I got my first…
Top 8 “Thwarted Knight” Excuses (2/2)
Sorry, son. I know I was hard on you (and me?) last time. Still, it’s all downhill from here, don’t worry. 6. You’re twisting my words. OK, so you know words are subject to interpretation. That’s a start. So why…
Top 8 “Thwarted Knight” Excuses (1/2)
Everybody knows it’s REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HARD TO BE A MAN!!! ;( And when you’re part of a tragically oppressed subaltern group like yours, there’s no shortage of excuses for justifying your perfectly noble and laudable addiction to telling women…
2015 Advice for Graduating Students
I’d been working as an administrative assistant at an Ivy League university for about a year when my boss, the school’s marketing director, asked me to compile a list of inspirational quotes for the graduating class. I dutifully sent a…
Decidophobic Man Unable to Dismiss Completed Calendar Task Involving Ex-Girlfriend
Wilbur, Kansas – 29-year-old Marketing Manager, Larry Rossgarden, has considered himself to be a procrastinator since his college days at the University of Kansas, where he would consistently delay writing papers and studying for exams until literally minutes before they…
Better parenting through polling
When it comes to parenting, I don’t always make the best decisions. I’m not always sure what the right thing to do is in a difficult situation. Like the time our elder daughter begged and pleaded with me to let…
Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (2/2)
Unlike Khomeini-ite Fiqh, TULIP-flavor Calvinism, and other scientific and empirically rigorous political discourses, “nice guy” and “friendzoning” are ideological aberrations that are completely detached from reality. Still, that didn’t stop Khameini giving it to us one last time: I mean,…
Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (1/2)
Some would say that The Enemies Of Our Glorious Nation™ are quarrelsome folk. (Or if not “enemies of America,” at least the enemies of the non-satire news media and of The International Beltway Community). Still, there is such a thing…