Category: Society
Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”
Pfizer has released their newest series of commercials for the highly popular erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra. During a New York Yankees game last week Pfizer debuted their new commercial. The new advertising campaign abandons their previous approach of “Blue pill…
Barry Bonds Thanks Media for Knee Injury
After three knee surgeries in three months, noted steroidphile Barry “Shut the F Up” Bonds has accosted the gritty media for their obvious causal role in creating his physical injury.
Culkin So High, Didn’t Know He Was in Oklahoma
Macaulay Culkin, long the idol of Jacksonian worship, has reached new highs in his career and physiology this week with his drug arrest in, of all places, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Culkin made no comment about his star-turned-felon status which put…
Head Allegedly Weighs “Like 500 Pounds”
Don’t think I don’t see all you proud people walking around with your gigantic melons held high. It bugs me like a plague of locusts because I’m proud too, but my pigeon-bobby noggin weighs more than the sun and the…
Documentary 2,000 Miles to Maine Fails to Suck
I regularly accept requests to review films and do so with boisterous glee. Hollywood is afraid of my brutal honesty but, once out of the “Golden State” of California the fear dissipates and my poignant slams are more graciously accepted….
Tattoo Fails to be Even Remotely Sexy
Jerri-Anne Thomas is a newly divorced, middle-aged, portly housewife who has been working hard to express the hunger of her acute onset mid-life crisis. When her sexually liberated spinster friend got a new tattoo hailed as sexy by a variety…
Heelys; Sole Wears Thin, Novelty Don’t
After three solid years of near daily use, my faithful novelty shoes, bought on a whim, must now be unfortunately retired. And why? What an insult to modern value that shoes eventually wear out. When I first bought them, I…
Brewing Up Candied Malt Liquor; 211 Skeel Reserve
-God no, what on earth was I thinking? I feel like a Lucy tripper who has just realized he triple-dosed. Alas, I will (or may,) prevail. 211 is best served very, very cold. So cold in fact that one could…
Razor Blade Sales Down Despite Halloween
Major razor manufacturer Gillette and pin and needle maker PrickCo have shown slumping sales, even though Halloween is only days away. Late October usually sees a surge in sales of razors, needles, and other sharp objects.
Four-on-the-Floor-a-Scopes (Hotrod Horoscopes)
We recognize that not all living people born within a certain window need the same advice and fit the same profile. At Glossy News we appreciate diversity and write our horoscopes for YOU, whomever you may be. Even hot-rodding freaks…