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Sneezing is One Tenth of an Orgasm: Islamic State Make War on Moldy Houses

Sneezing is One Tenth of an Orgasm: Islamic State Make War on Moldy Houses

ISIS and dodgy landlords.
One is an evil gang of nefarious gangsters and mafiosi, who give zero fucks about anyone else, and will trample over anyone in their day, doing whatever it takes to expand their evil empire.
The other one is an Islamic terrorist organization!
Still, it turns out that the freewheeling, freeriding anarcho-capitalist idealists and rugged individualists, er, Unitarians, are not at all satisfied with their radical Marxist housing policy of forcibly de-gentrifying the ancient Syrian metropolis of Palmyra. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, War Zone0 Comments

Author of “How to Be A Success” Guides Dies a Dismal Failure

Author of “How to Be A Success” Guides Dies a Dismal Failure

And I’m here to help!

Kilroy Kovacs, prolific publisher of the popular “How to Be a Success” guides, has been found dead in his car outside of Peculiar, Missouri. Cause of death has not been determined.

Kovacs was the author of two dozen “How to Be a Success” books and published in thirteen countries. Sales are estimated at between 5000 and 6000 volumes worldwide, including complimentary and bootleg copies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Strange People0 Comments

Man Unable to Apply a Lifetime’s Research into Self-Improvement, Dies Wholly Unsuccessful in Life

Man Unable to Apply a Lifetime’s Research into Self-Improvement, Dies Wholly Unsuccessful in Life

Dateline: NEW YORK CITY—A connoisseur of self-help books has died alone and impoverished after having spent years locked in his apartment, practicing to be a better person.

Albert Dunderhead had an impressive collection of self-help manuals, as attested by the landlord who found Albert’s body. “Albert once showed me his library,” said the landlord, “and he boasted he was learning everything there is to know about techniques for increasing your confidence, winning friends and succeeding in business and romance.

“‘One day,’ Albert told me, ‘I’ll have learned enough to put my knowledge into practice, to apply the lessons in real life. And then nothing will stop me. I’ll finally have a job and a family and a life I can be proud of. Until then, I’ve got to keep hitting the books.’”

Albert’s body was found in front of a mirror, his hand on an open book turned to a passage about mastering your fears by reciting mantras in front of a mirror.

Having no friends or family, living on a small inheritance from his grandmother, Albert ventured out of his apartment only to purchase groceries and to peruse the self-help section of bookstores.

Albert’s neighbours sometimes complained about the noise from his apartment, when Albert practiced his lessons by holding conversations with imaginary employers, coworkers, and romantic prospects.

“The conversations went on for hours on end,” said one neighbour, “but it wasn’t the volume that bothered me so much as the annoying repetition. He tried out every conceivable variation on a job interview, for example, playing both parts himself.

“Or he’d imagine he was trying to pick up a girl at a grocery store, and he’d say, ‘I see you’re interested in avocados.’ ‘Why, yes I am,’ he’d say in response. And then he’d launch into a disquisition about the merits of different recipes for guacamole.

“But that wasn’t the end of it—not by a long shot. He’d carry on the same conversation over and over again, but switching from avocados to bananas, and then to spinach and watermelons and every other fruit or vegetable in turn. It was really, really annoying having to hear that blather through the wall throughout the evening and night.”

Albert received a posthumous award for “Most Ironic Life” from the Irony Association of America.

“Ironically,” said the Association’s founder, “our awards have no cash value, nor do we publicize them. Had Mr. Dunderhead been alive, he wouldn’t have been eligible for the award, since his life would have been ongoing. But even if he would have been eligible, he wouldn’t have known he’d won, because no one would have told him. And even if he found out about us and our awards, he may not have cared, because, as I said, our awards have zero prestige. There’s nothing to them, not even a little statue or anything.

“All we do is whisper about the winner for a while, maybe writing up a certificate and then quickly burning it so as not to spoil the irony of the self-effacing honours.”

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

(Memes) We Have to Do Something to Accommodate the Male Community: What do They Really Want?

(Memes) We Have to Do Something to Accommodate the Male Community: What do They Really Want?

Next time you see a man defending rape/warmongering/niqab/pimping/porn/religious extremism of ANY kind, remind him that he belongs to the ‘Male Community,’ and ask him how his safe space is going.
If men start getting referred to via patronizing faux-leftie metropolitan jargon and soundbites, they might learn to shut their traps a little! Continue Reading

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Posted in Society0 Comments

Jihadist Anti-Jokes

Jihadist Anti-Jokes

Sinners of the World Unite!

A Jew, and Christian and an atheist walk into a bar.

How devious are the wiles of Satan, that all kafrs can agree that alcohol is permissible!

Wasting Your Time

A priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist monk are playing golf.

How saddening it is, that the debauched and depraved people of the book cannot understand that the pleasures of this world are fleeting, and the world to come is forever!

Whores Must Perish

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Fatima.

Fatima? What is your mahram doing, are they not with you?

Nah.

Remember to bring your mahram with you. I do not consort with unaccompanied, impious specimens of the female community.

Playing Chicken is Mere Idleness

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Truly, the will of Allah is inscrutable. Better not to ask such idle questions concerning the wonders of his creation. Prayer is superior to the idleness of unenlightened curiosity.

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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

Secular & Spiritual… Why the Furore, and False Dilemma?

Secular & Spiritual… Why the Furore, and False Dilemma?

There is a notion going about that people who are robustly secularist, politically speaking, are automatically anti-religion.

But ‘religion’ means different things to different people.
People can draw spiritual inspiration and strength from religious traditions without believing they are literal fact.
I would like to see more organized collaboration between people who are secular for the outer world and spiritual for the inner life.
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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

(Meme): Westboro Baptist Church, America’s Most Flamboyant Social Justice Warriors?

(Meme): Westboro Baptist Church, America’s Most Flamboyant Social Justice Warriors?

Westboro Baptist Church LOVED identity politics…
Especially of the heterosexual kind!
They were easily triggered by men holding hands, and wanted to turn their ‘doomed nation’ and ‘damned planet’ into a safe space.
What’s not to SJ about that?!

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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

The Soviet Union Could Have Been Saved: SJW Fail?

The Soviet Union Could Have Been Saved: SJW Fail?

The Soviet Union would actually have survived, if only they could have become Soviet Justice Warriors!

Some key hashtags for Soviet Twitter:

#NotAllCommies

#CommunismIsTheTotalitarianismOfPeace

#StopBeingMarxophobic Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Delaware Man Masters Martial Arts, using only Initial Free Lessons

Delaware Man Masters Martial Arts, using only Initial Free Lessons

Dateline: NEW JERSEY—A man from Delaware earned the equivalent of a black belt in Taekwondo, Karate, Jiu-jitsu and several other martial arts, by exploiting the free initial first lesson offered by hundreds of martial arts schools across North America.
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Posted in Human Interest, Sports, Sports Scandals1 Comment

We Can Justify Making Saudi Arabia Our Ally for the Same Reasons as Nazi Germany

We Can Justify Making Saudi Arabia Our Ally for the Same Reasons as Nazi Germany

1. An alliance with Nazi Germany could have provided us with excellent anti-Soviet intel.

2. Economics-wise, Germany was hard to overlook. Plenty of rich carbon resources; in the short to medium term, a significant player in the world economy up to now. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, World News0 Comments

How Sausages are Really Made: Shocking

How Sausages are Really Made: Shocking

Brian K. White, this poor lil city-dwellin’ Seattle Washing ‘un type, has been sayin’ on the Youtube:

Everyone loves sausage, but few of us know how it’s REALLY made.
The answer is not merely shocking, but equal parts disgusting and delicious.

FAKE NEWS!
Sausages, now them yokes all git gonna be newwwwwtricious and auspicious!
Before, Bobby Joe done git y’all these there purty lil videos on…
The Youtube!
Videos are them things what makes the entersplainment real funny, and a damn good thing to us all we be doin’ with!
When y’all sittin’ in the shack on your one-man lonesome, ain’t nuffing better than a good wholesome, heartsome, MOCK-YOU-MEANT-AREE to chase away the cobwebs, and make your heart sing up and float to skies like a goddarn goose-varmint. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Video News0 Comments

Vikingophobia Should Not be Tolerated?

Vikingophobia Should Not be Tolerated?

Thought experiment:

A gang of radical Neo-Pagans have formed a new religion called ‘Sons of Thor,’ and this religion allows you to carry off virgins via ‘bridal theft,’ and make them your wives; and to loot and pillage churches, synagogues, mosques and gurudwaras.

None of this is done out of hatred or malice; it’s just because Thor devotees have a different way of looking at things.

‘Live and let live,’ one of them gently assures us. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Religionism0 Comments

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