New Muscle Building Supplement Tested And Found To Be Huge Success

Sources confirmed Thursday that a new muscle-building supplement (simply called BarBarik) was recently tested and found to be a huge success. Containing massive amounts of vitamins, minerals, calcium, boron, and various other “unknown ingredients,” the pill was given to stressed-out, insecure, angry, and psychologically maladjusted Iowa resident Lane Williams, 32, who noticeably started crying halfway through his exercise routine. Despite already being 280 pounds, cut like a diamond, hot-tempered, and emotionally unstable, Lane agreed to try the testosterone booster after doing a 750-pound deadlift.”It’s always important to stay ahead of the competition,” he screamed on his 57th wide-grip pull-up before bench pressing 500 pounds in order to cool down.   “I don’t feel insecure at all, and I’m completely happy with my circumstances in life now that I’ve tried this,” the unpredictable, part-time casino janitor added after throwing an entire elliptical machine (including the helpless person who was using it) through the main, plate-glass window of the gym. A mere few seconds after ferociously pulling out his own hair, foaming at the mouth, and hollering uncontrollably at the ceiling, Lane then proceeded to do 9 sets of leg extensions before ripping the back door of the building off with his bare hands, running 15 miles in 8 minutes, and picking up the back end of Chevrolet to impress a few local Walgreens Pharmacy shoppers.  When he tried to cool down by reading a book later on in the evening, his beard started on fire, his testicles fell off, and his face exploded.
Given its tremendous success, the supplement will soon be tested on alcoholics to see if it can make them more productive before it becomes available in stores worldwide.  

Author: Wes Janson

BIO: Wes Janson is a Master's Degree Holder as well as a former international educator who lived in South Korea and Taiwan. He is also an isolated, balding, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive, angry, hopeless, neurotic, self-medicating iconoclastic nihilist filled with delusions of grandeur who is currently struggling with the irreversible effects of a severe mid-life crisis.

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