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Damage Limitation – The Essential Checklist For Senior Managers

Damage Limitation – The Essential Checklist For Senior Managers

There comes a day in the life of many top executives, both in the public and private sectors, when aspects of professional conduct within their organisations are exposed and interpreted by the media and public in an irrationally negative light.

Entirely normal, routine and reasonable organisational behaviour seems to periodically attract accusations such as: fraud, greed, contempt for financial regulations, a cavalier disregard for the interests of one or other sector of society – or even a total avoidance of laws in general.

Most irritating and perplexing for the poor managers subjected to such scurrilous and unjust allegations is that claims are not simply made by the ill-informed, little people. Ordinary losers cannot, after all, be expected to understand normal organisational affairs at a senior level. In addition to these plebs, simplistic, misinformed and unreasonable criticisms are frequently levelled by regulatory bodies, public enquiries, the courts, and governments.

It is of absolutely no use to respond to such institutions by pointing out that they are being stupid and pedantic and do not understand your organisation or the real world – true though this may be, it would simply provoke further antagonism.

The following checklist has therefore been devised by those with prior experience to assist senior executives when they find themselves in such an unfortunate and unenviable position.

The notes below recommended key actions and public statements for each stage of the witch hunt that an unfortunate, misunderstood top manager might have to endure.

1 – Alleged issue first exposed in a manner that cannot be ignored:

*Say that you are taking the allegations very seriously indeed.
*Immediately and strenuously deny any personal wrongdoing.
*Promise a full internal enquiry.
*If anyone has been obviously physically harmed or killed, say that safety is your number one priority.
*Stress that the customer (or service user or whoever) always comes first.
*Argue that an independent enquiry is totally unnecessary and that you are in the best position to identify the factors that may have led to misunderstandings about the matters alleged.
*Make plans to transfer as much money as possible to your untraceable, offshore accounts.
*Check expiry date of passport.

2 – Sufficient evidence of the alleged issue has emerged to make a blanket denial no longer credible:

*Say that you are appalled by what has happened and that you are determined that there should be a full and transparent process to uncover where mistakes have been made.
*Welcome any police investigation, and say that you will cooperate fully with it.
*Welcome any independent enquiry, and express certainty that your honesty and integrity will be vindicated.
*Practise looking sincere in a mirror before attending any parliamentary committee.
*Behave in relation to all questioning as if your organisation is a car that has mysteriously developed a fault. You just happened to have been driving it at the time, but you are as amazed and bewildered as any layperson about what caused the problem.
*Never try to blame anyone else, however junior, or they will point the finger back at you. Remember that a lot of your staff knew exactly what was going on. Continue to adopt, therefore, the attitude that any alleged irregularity simply arose in a mysterious, unexpected way and, as such, blame could never be attributed.
*Transfer as much money as possible to your untraceable, offshore accounts.
*Check extradition arrangements with the countries to which you might leave in a hurry.

3 – Alleged issue proven:

*Say that the final official judgement on your organisation’s behaviour was a deeply humbling experience (the Murdoch gambit – as it has come to be known).
*Admit that mistakes had been made.
*State that lessons will be learned.
*Double check that your personal assets are quite separate from any corporate funds that may be required to pay fines or compensation.
*Keep your head down for a few months until everyone has forgotten about the matter – or until another innocent colleague in a different organisation has become the victim of a similar hysterical feeding frenzy by the media, the public and official bodies.

4 – After the dust has settled:

*Simply carry on exactly as before until faced with any new set of scurrilous and unjust accusations – after all, why should you change your behaviour? You did nothing at all wrong.

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Posted in Biz News, Crime0 Comments

God’s Plenty, and The Wondrous Risk of Love

God’s Plenty, and The Wondrous Risk of Love

NOTE: I wrote this not long ago, when I was on the verge of finishing a huge project; after a few very turbulent and painful years.

I will keep going on! Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Uglies on the Outskirts scheme to lure Beauties away from Big Cities

Uglies on the Outskirts scheme to lure Beauties away from Big Cities

Dateline: TORONTO—A team of physically unappealing people based in the outskirts of large cities across North America has hatched a plot to lure the beautiful and handsome elites away from their lairs at the heart of the downtown areas.

Team Quasimodo’s leader, Quasimodo Sanchez, a misshapen short man with wildly asymmetric facial features, staged a press conference to explain his intentions, but offered only the cryptic remark, “We found out about their crystals. Soon the crystals will be ours and the beauties with long legs and shapely breasts will have to journey across the wrong side of the tracks so we can spy on their hotness more often.”
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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

The Month’s Most Controversial Religion & Atheism Headlines (III)

The Month’s Most Controversial Religion & Atheism Headlines (III)

Charlie Hebdo Draw Guru Nanak: the Only Rioters are Privileged White Campus Radicals Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Religionism0 Comments

The Month’s Most Controversial Religion & Atheism Headlines (II)

The Month’s Most Controversial Religion & Atheism Headlines (II)

Intersectional-Post-Meta-Pan-Igtheism: The Latest Trend for Intellectual Hipsters

Myanmar Junta: ‘Those who Criticize our Faith are #Buddhismophobes! #NotAllBuddhists’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Religionism0 Comments

UK Public Increasingly Reluctant To Express Ill-informed Opinions

UK Public Increasingly Reluctant To Express Ill-informed Opinions

An increasing number of people in the UK are declining to express definite opinions when asked about complex issues of which they know little.

TV journalists first began to detect this phenomenon in early 2017 when undertaking random street interviews. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Society, Top Stories0 Comments

Brexit Exposes Large Scale Corruption By EU Farmers

Brexit Exposes Large Scale Corruption By EU Farmers

The UK Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA) has revealed that it is investigating nearly five hundred UK farms. All the investigations relate to the illegal claiming of EU farm subsidies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Society, Top Stories, World News0 Comments

The Month’s Most Controversial Religion & Atheism Headlines (I)

The Month’s Most Controversial Religion & Atheism Headlines (I)

Bombshell Study: Metropolitan Elite Appalled to Discover Anti-Secularist Intellectuals Hate Living in Theocracies

Stop Laughing: Academics Finally Work Out Pascal’s Wager Applies to Scientology too! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Religionism0 Comments

El Gaucho Tacoma… don’t bother, they don’t want you

El Gaucho Tacoma… don’t bother, they don’t want you

If you want a steak for $75 there’s no shortage of places you can go. Pacific Grill is across the street and grills them up nicely, and Anthony’s is down a few blocks by the water. At least at those places you won’t be dick-accosted by the manager. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Society0 Comments

Manjaws: A Rant by Rashad the Cackler

Manjaws: A Rant by Rashad the Cackler

Dateline: NEW YORK CITY—The runner’s-up in this year’s American Rant Competition have been announced. Surprisingly, all of the entries were authored by a single man, named Rashad, also known as the Cackler, who is an elderly homeless man.

Rashad has wandered North America for decades and is notorious for his stream of diatribes on a wide range of subjects. Rashad doesn’t write them down personally, but his acolytes in several cities record them for posterity.

Here is one such rant, called “Manjaws”:
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Posted in Society0 Comments

GN Video: Did Stuff Used to Be Cheaper?

GN Video: Did Stuff Used to Be Cheaper?

It’s tempting to think everything is more expensive now. Not so, says Brian! Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Video News0 Comments

Archbishop of Canterbury No-Platformed for ‘Nazi Speech’

Archbishop of Canterbury No-Platformed for ‘Nazi Speech’

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Canon Justin Welby, has been no-platformed by the National Union of Students for a ‘Nazi Speech’ said to be reminiscent of fascist rants from the official State Church in Hitler’s Germany. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

Evil Industries Imitates Scientology at Trial over Fraud

Evil Industries Imitates Scientology at Trial over Fraud

Dateline: NEW YORK CITY— Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

Autism of the Playpen? The Juvenile Mediocrity of ‘Autistic Nihilism’

Autism of the Playpen? The Juvenile Mediocrity of ‘Autistic Nihilism’

Autistic Entitlement & Victimhood are Part of a Broader Occidental Zeitgeist

Some time ago, I made some tweets about the problem of how some people de-emphasize the importance of autistic people cultivating ourselves. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health0 Comments

‘Fearless Romantic Charmer’ (Creep?) Marries Bradford Lass After 100 Unexpected Cafe Visits (2/2)

‘Fearless Romantic Charmer’ (Creep?) Marries Bradford Lass After 100 Unexpected Cafe Visits (2/2)

Last time:

The best thing of all is when I suddenly had a knock on the upstairs window at 4 am; the poor bugger had followed me home around 6 pm, and had finally plucked up the courage to speak to us! Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

‘Fearless Romantic Charmer’ (Creep?) Marries Bradford Lass After 100 Unexpected Cafe Visits (1/2)

‘Fearless Romantic Charmer’ (Creep?) Marries Bradford Lass After 100 Unexpected Cafe Visits (1/2)

A hearty Yorkshire lass from Bradford has finally married the lad of her dreams, after the dogged persistence of her beau-to-be finally won her round.

Lucy Scappaticci, who works at the Baker’s End Cafe, first noticed Wee Davie Singh when he staggered in one morning after a heavy work session of World of Warcraft. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

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