Category: Society
World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo
FUTUREFILE Israel, 2023 – The world’s last Palestinian, an old female named Afnan, has died in an Israeli zoo, eliminating the chance that any Arab will ever again be referred to as a “Palestinian.” Back in 2016, Afnan was found…
Democrats Euthanize Elderly to Make Snack Foods
Macon, GA (GlossyNews) — Intrepid FOX News reporters have uncovered a heinous Left Wing plot to do in America’s older generation. While many were declaring the hard right’s scary threats that the Left was going to let older citizens die…
Republicans to Boycott Health Care – Turn to Self-Medication
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — In response to the ass-trouncing recently inflicted by the Democrats over the Republicans over the hotly debated health care reform bill, Republicans in all levels of government held a press conferences early today in which they…
Banks Foreclose on Hell — Satan Moves to Scientology Headquarters
Sarasota, Fla (GlossyNews) — Markets around the world were rocked today with news of the imminent foreclosure on Hell by a consortium of major international banks. The announcement came only after months of failed negotiations between Satan and the Associated…
Africans Risk Their Lives to Stay Clean
Kampala, Uganda (GlossyNews) — Nothing But Nets, a campaign website driven by the passion of it’s members who donate money to buy mosquito nets for African children, has reported in a finding that in most instances donated nets are cut…
GOP Brings Out the Gimp in BSDM Club
Hollywoodland, CA (GlossyNews) — On its website, California’s Voyeur Club bills itself “an elegant, discrete setting where fetishists visually enjoy a full immersion in all aspects of the lifestyle.” That was the good old days, before last week. Unwanted publicity…
Trustafarians on Spirit Quest Disappear in Jamaican Jungle
Kingston, Jamaica (GlossyNews) — The disappearance of two Trustafarians in the jungles of Jamaica has sent a mild panic through wealthy families in the U.S., who sort of wonder where their own dreadlocked dodos might be hanging out. A few…
Islamic Extremists Issue Fatwa Against American Poodle
SAN FRANCISCO, CA (GlossyNews) — Incensed Islamic extremists issued a fatwa early this evening against an American Muslim poodle named Crystal accused of breeding with an infidel St. Bernard named Herb. “Crystal has been seeing Herb at a local dog…
Historian Casts Doubt on Helen Keller Legacy
BOSTON, MA (GlossyNews) — First-time author Calvin Klavan has touched many nerves with his newly published, “The Keller Fraud: It was just a bad astigmatism.” In the 657 page narrative, Klavan posits a seemingly bizarre take on Keller, the beloved…
Pope Allegedly Uses Lord’s Name in Vain
VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Media outlets are buzzing as sources inside the Vatican are beginning to approach the press with scandalous information about Pope Benedict XVI. Apparently several papal aides, who wish to remain anonymous, claim that the Vicar of…