SAN FRANCISCO, CA (GlossyNews) — Incensed Islamic extremists issued a fatwa early this evening against an American Muslim poodle named Crystal accused of breeding with an infidel St. Bernard named Herb. “Crystal has been seeing Herb at a local dog park on and off for several months,” said the courtesan canine’s owner, who strenuously requested anonymity. “One afternoon I lost sight of her… one thing led to another and, well, you know…”
Crystal, who apparently was quite shaken by recent developments and peed on the kitchen floor upon hearing news of the fatwa, has been moved to an undisclosed location for her protection. “Usually only thunderstorms and vacuums scare her, but this is something completely unexpected and worrisome,” said her visibly frightened owner, who also peed on the floor when the fatwa was issued.
Honor killings in the canine community are quite rare but have been known to occur. Just six months ago, a female shitzhu named Sadie, who, at the urging of her decidedly effeminate owner, Edward, allegedly ditched her burqa for a diamond-studded tiara, was purposefully flattened by an Al Qaeda operative driving an 18-wheel semi.
No word yet from PETA, but an unnamed source suggested that a statement should not be expected. “Look, we love animals. But throwing paint on unsuspecting Jewish and Christian women in fox furs is one thing, standing up to violent Muslim extremists is quite another.”