Category: Society
Drunk Telephone Pole Hits Pedestrian
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Capitol Hill is under lockdown after reports that an intoxicated telephone pole hit a pedestrian walking by his position on Constitution Avenue. The assault allegedly occurred early Saturday morning after a pair of street lamps to the…
Hipster Suffers 2nd Degree Burns, Smug About It (comic)
Sometimes it’s good to be on the cutting edge, other times not so much. Hipsters – though you’ll never meet anyone willing to accept that label – love going against the grain, even if it literally pains them to do…
A Realists Guide to Goals and, Whatever
1. Set goals. This is probably the most important part in achieving them. 2. If you suck at something, give up. I know people say, “If at first you don’t succeed…” yada yada, but come on, do you want to…
Black Rescuer Lucky He Didn’t Get His Ass Thrown In Jail During Rescue
It fortunately went so miraculously well. A girl held hostage for ten years breaks free of her bonds and manages to get to the door of her captors house. She yells through the mail slot that she needs help and…
Sarah Palin Receives PhD in General Studies
Conservatives around the nation are rejoicing at news that former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has be awarded a Doctorate of Philosophy in General Studies by Pensacola Christian College. According to sources close to the governor, Palin began working on…
The Diminished Quality of Our American Hippies
I am writing this out of concern for the quality of hippies we have here in America at the moment. The other day I overheard a small group of alternative types in a natural food store discussing how they were…
Return of Christ Announced (comic)
We’ve all wondered when He’d get around to returning. At the sermon on the mount he said he’d return before the last of them in attendance had died, but what a kidder that Christ was, for the love of God….
Parents Hail Terrible High School Production of Hamlet a Pretty Neat Little Show
INDIANAPOLIS – Lacking the necessary analytical skills to objectively critique a work of theatre, parents of youngsters in a St Vincent High School production of Hamlet thought that the laborious, 3-hour show was pretty neat. Congratulating her son Ben on…
Dumb-talking Girl Deemed Sufficiently Cute (comic)
We’ve all been to that party. There’s a girl there, maybe she’s drunk or just otherwise an idiot, and you just listen and listen as she prattles on about who-cares-what, because there’s that outside chance you can plant a kiss…
US suicide rate jumps; unemployment rate falls
The suicide rate among middle-aged Americans was much higher in the previous two months than the government first estimated. The suicides reduced the unemployment rate from 7.6 percent to a four-year low of 7.5 percent. The report from the United…