Category: Human Interest
Lordy, Lordy, Was I a Terrible Waiter! (But My CUSTOMERS Were WORSE!!!!!!)
Why did you choose the restaurant where I worked at that particular time? A few seconds earlier or later, you would have been safe. But Fate dropped the piano on your head, and you drew me as your waiter. You…
Millennial Children Demand Parents Pay for Relocation As Tensions In the Gulf Grow
Salem, OR- As tensions between the United States and Iran continue to flare after the latest attack on an American drone, more and more millennial children are demanding that Mom and Dad pay to send them away before war is…
The Knives of Athenry: A Far from Humorous Satire on ‘The Fields of Athenry’ (NSFW)
By a lonely Irish ward, I heard an infant wailing “Mammy, they said they’re taking me away, For the people repealed the 8th To be cut in pieces is my fate Mammy, save me, or I’ll never see the light…
EDGY POEM! Spacking Out (Autism v Artistry, The Light Side of a Dark Affliction!)
My jeans are on backwards and tattered legs Not quite a six-pack, more of a party keg Don’t need a wingman, don’t need no aid Think I’ll just sit at home and write dystopia instead If you think my eyes…
One Family’s Intolerance Toward Intolerance
Orange County, CA- “My grandfather was bald, so was his Da… so is mine,” Jake Collins tells me as he runs a tattooed hand across his shiny pink scalp. “It’s kinda a family trait, like diabetes, quick tempers, and tattoos,”…
Revenge Of The Seth
Pre-Summer Bummer Clear, FL- “Authorities have no leads at this time, and the student body is obviously very disappointed,” Clear County Superintendent of Schools, Denise Tasker told reporters from the steps of James Marsden High School on Monday morning. “I…
My Short-Lived Career As A BINGO Announcer
Throughout my life, I’ve held a variety of jobs – from Sales Director to Director of Sales and everything in between. Given the chance, I could have been a superstar selling advertising, life insurance or legal research to anyone from…
Welcome to Portland
[The following is a message from the Portland, Oregon Visitors’ Bureau.] Welcome to Portland, Oregon, America’s Most Liberal City. If you’re planning to spend a few days in the Rose City, we at the Portland Visitor’s Bureau would like to…
Last Remaining Author Paid by Parakeet
Dateline: Cubicle District 64, Year 2028—Mystifying tens of millions of authors, Horatio Masterson is the only remaining writer who is still somehow being paid for his work, and in this exclusive report, we reveal the secret of his success.
Shiver at the Sight of You
The song ‘Pure’ by the Lightning Seeds helped inspire my best ever poem; currently unpublished. (Some sagely person recently managed to work out the premise of the novel, or come very close, from the title alone; spooky!)