Archive | Human Interest

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White,’ Just a Regular Guy (2/2)

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White,’ Just a Regular Guy (2/2)

The old story continues:

I AM NOT WHITE!!!

Uh-uh-uhhh! I am Jeb Bush, and I’m not white.

Forget it! I’m just a standard-issue regular guy, like every one of you. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White,’ Just a Regular Guy (1/2)

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White,’ Just a Regular Guy (1/2)

The achingly well-meaning notable 3.0 du jour has put his foot in it again. Just read his comments at the recent ‘White Community-Black Community GOP Competitive Co-operation 1000 Dollar Dinner’ in the Seattle Hilton.

You know what, I want to address all you black folks somewhere out there in the audience, and thank you all from the bottom of my coffers… uh, my heart.

Because you guys are more or less exactly my kind of people, and I know you just wouldn’t be here if you weren’t supportive of my agenda… uh, my program.

I really mean that, with all my heart. It’s a bit like, well, you remember that achingly sincere video where John McCain congratulated… uh, what’s that guy’s name again? Continue Reading

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Rand Paul: ‘Black & LGBT Folks? Just Try Another Bus’

Rand Paul: ‘Black & LGBT Folks? Just Try Another Bus’

Rand Paul has recently denied the legitimacy of laws forbidding discrimination against LGBT employees.

But this is not the only argument he has ever made in this vein. See this transcript of some previously unrevealed comments he made at a college.

OK. Yes, from a purely moral, or dare I say ‘moralistic’ point of view, it wasn’t very pleasant for black people to not be allowed to sit on the front of the bus.

I mean, in fairness, if some people in the USA started banning Jews, Muslims, disabled people, women, or anyone else of that general, y’know, ‘diverse’ type, then I think that would actually be kind of petty and mean-spirited!

Well, from a particular point of view, I guess. Continue Reading

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American Philanthropists Resent Vilification of 80s Tory Leader

American Philanthropists Resent Vilification of 80s Tory Leader

Wallace Runnymede is currently being persecuted by the malign and conspiratorial forces of international global justice, for his tiresome, lamentable screed on NewsBiscuit:

http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=93562

Estate of Unnamed 80s Tory Leader Arranges ‘Racist Wildebeest’ Superinjunction.

This headline has nothing whatsoever to do with pro-apartheid South African wildlife, in case you were wondering.

In fact, it has nothing whatsoever to do with former Tory leaders, the estates of former Tory leaders, wildebeest, racist wildebeest, racism, racists, authoritarian political systems in postcolonial Africa (South Africa or otherwise), or the funny little hoof marks outside the ‘dogging’ station at Number 10. Continue Reading

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Jesus Deplores Decline in his Social Mobility (2/2)

Jesus Deplores Decline in his Social Mobility (2/2)

Last time:

Still, I thought things might pick up a bit when I scouted a better deal at the Baha’is and the Ahmadis.

Unfortunately, however, thing didn’t get that much better.

I mean, it was an improvement to some degree, I even got the title of “Manifestation of God,” which was pretty cool, albeit not a patch on my past glory.

I mean, these two jobs were fairly stable, fairly safe, but I kind of got a bit disillusioned. Continue Reading

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Jesus Deplores Decline in his Social Mobility (1/2)

Jesus Deplores Decline in his Social Mobility (1/2)

Jesus thinks his career has been on the slide for millennia (if not for eternity), and he’s just sick of it.

You know, I was once at the absolute top of the pile in the job market. Full-time Son of God.

Actually God.

But you know what? The higher you get, the further you fall. Now I’m starting to know how Wotan feels.

So how did I get to this dire state? Continue Reading

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LBJ’s Human Rights Lecture to Glossy News Readers

LBJ’s Human Rights Lecture to Glossy News Readers

Hey, everybody! It’s yer best buddy Jumbo Johnson here! Everybody loves a bit of good old NON-GOVERNMENTAL Human Rights Organization shit, huh?

That’s right, bitches! Time for one damn fine bit of unpatriotic pinko analysis of the notable patriotic human rights NGO, Freedom House!

Ooo, SHIT! I LIIIIKE the sounda THAT!

Well hey, baby! Everybody loves freedom, right?! Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, War Zone0 Comments

Same Sex Jail Romance Leads to Kentucky Clerk’s Change of Heart

Same Sex Jail Romance Leads to Kentucky Clerk’s Change of Heart

Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis, who refused to issue gay marriage licenses and was taken into federal custody for contempt of court, has posted bond and been released after having a change of heart in jail.

After experiencing what she called a quasi-religious experience with her female cell mate, Davis returned to her job, her cheeks flushed and a smile spread across her formerly dumpy disposition. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Making Headlines, Politics, Religionism, Society, Top Stories0 Comments

Jeb Bush Blunder on Immigration and Reconciliation

Jeb Bush Blunder on Immigration and Reconciliation

Jeb Bush’s attempts to speak up louder than those who to some limited extent do have a voice (regarding immigration) have suffered a serious blow.

At a recent dialogue conference about how to make the GOP more inclusive, an immigration activist, Penelope D Solanas, told Bush and other figures in attendance the story of her life as an irregular migrant.

After recounting some of her difficulties over the course of some years and decades, Penelope concluded:

So, this is my life. And many have similar stories. This is how we live!

A reporter then asked Bush how he felt about Penelope’s story. Continue Reading

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NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid

Andromeda President: I don’t mind a few Milky Way types coming here the odd time, within reason, but they should bloody well accept the way we do things here!!!

Tearful Plutonian claims: My grandchildren are afraid of Neptunians who speak in senses they can’t understand!!! Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (3/3)

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (3/3)

Here are the rest of the commandments the Watchtower is graciously bestowing on the followers of Jehovah…

In order to facilitate any relatively ethical, accountable and non-abusive uses of the generally satanic and perniciously demonic spiritual technology known as “blood transfusions.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Hey, Grab Them Cuban Guys: I Need My Car Fixed

Hey, Grab Them Cuban Guys: I Need My Car Fixed

Now that Cuba and the United States are starting to talk to each other again, this could be the start of a beautiful relationship Humphrey Bogart- Claude Rains style. We got the money, they got the raw talent. I’m talking cars here.

Because of the 1960’s trade embargo Cuba has been cut off from the great world of American automobiles (that is- great to them, not to the rest of the world. Continue Reading

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Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (2/3)

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (2/3)

Last time:

OOF! Well, that was a nice Godly-Gish-sermon to tire you out. Now that you’re on the ropes, I’ll rush through the more embarrassing bit.

But what could it possibly be?

(Psst! Cryptic and mysteriously recondite hint… READ THE DAMN TITLE!).

Ha! Nope! You didn’t just hear me say I was playing mind games. It was just the Devil whispering in your ear. Continue Reading

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Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (1/3)

Jehovah Flip-Flops on Smiting Blood Transfusion Patients (1/3)

Well, it only took me a day to beat The Respect Police! 😛

And to publish my astonishing revelation of the boundless grace, mercy and abhorrently irrational bullshit…

That Lord Jehovah (of Watchtower celebrity fame and stardom) dispenses to his most achingly subservient and submissive followers.

So, this is the latest (not-so-)private revelation from the Lord that Jehovah has granted unto his best buddies (abject servants) among the Witnesses. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Sinister Spooks Threaten GlossyNews re: Forthcoming Jehovah Smackdown

Sinister Spooks Threaten GlossyNews re: Forthcoming Jehovah Smackdown

Wallace Runnymede has been threatened with legal action by malign and powerful West Coast bureaucratic forces that he is strictly forbidden to name…

On account of his anticipated smackdown on the Jehovah’s Witnesses sect.

GlossyNews? Well, that as well.

Still, as Wallace Runnymede delights in pissing all over third rails, this is not such a problem for him.

More importantly, notable krap-aid-cult and edgy fringe spiritual-dogmatising-club, Jehovah’s Witnesses, has finally given permission for children to get blood transfusions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Racist Murders at Charleston: All in This Together? (2/2)

Racist Murders at Charleston: All in This Together? (2/2)

Last time, I acknowledged that all forms of prejudice are complex, and cannot be seen as corresponding one-to-one with each other.

However, while making these qualifications, I also took the risk of drawing an analogy between racism and sexism.

And as is well known, racism and sexism are two forms of prejudice and hatred that motivated Dylan Roof’s murder of nine innocent people in Charleston. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Serious Commentary0 Comments

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