Sol Morgenstern has been a famous marriage counselor for almost 30 years. In that time he’s helped thousands of troubled couples get a real handle on their relationships no matter how troubled the situation or how stressful everyday life can be.

“I had a married couple in here recently that absolutely hated each other. I simply put them in a cage and wouldn’t let them out until they made peace with each other. It’s been about 3 weeks now and they’re getting pretty hungry, but I still have hopes!” Continue Reading

A recent study on gender bias in Asian horror movies have left many with weak stomachs in addition to the usual hankering for pseudo-buttered popcorn.

It was found that the majority of ghosts are female and seeking vengeance, thus leaving their male counterparts emasculated, the study said. Continue Reading

Rescuers are busy on a plan to reach millions of Americans who have become trapped somewhere between middle class and lower class without much of a chance of survival. They claim a level of greed several hundred feet thick is separating the trapped Americans from reaching the upper crust.

While several escape plans have been formulated, none of them seem to be iron-clad winners and therefore, have not been put into action as yet. The committee put in charge of the rescue plan claims they are unable to put the effort and resources into such a large plan until after the mid-term elections have determined who the next group of rescuers will be. Continue Reading

SEATTLE, Washington – A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America.

Based on the concept of “been there, done that” but in a more professional sense, the doctors came up with a plan that they say will revolutionize the way people are treated for minor mishaps. The doctors claim that most people nowadays know their way around the internet pretty well. Continue Reading

Washington, DC (GlossyNews.com): The Westboro Baptist Church, the controversial religious sect best known for protesting the funerals of slain war veterans and their “God Hates Fags” protest signs, announced a startling lawsuit against God in Federal District Court today.

According to Court documents, the Westboro Baptists are seeking “unspecified damages” against “The Lord God, Almighty,” for breach of contract under the terms of US Code Title 25, Section 3116. Continue Reading

ZAGREB, Croatia (Glossy News) – We’re not sure what was on TV in 1966 in the former Yugoslavia, but it must have been so terrible that a woman died while viewing it, and her remains have only recently been found.

The body of Hedviga Golik, who was born in 1924, was discovered by police in the Croatian capital of Zagreb, long-dead and sitting in her armchair in front of her black-and-white television. A bowl of moldy popcorn sitting on the table next to her. Continue Reading

When you’re married, there will be times (usually during 4th quarter of a tied game)that a woman says, “Something something something would brighten up the room, don’t you think?”

Wait until the game is over, and then go out to the garage and hit your thumb with a hammer. Because that’s going to happen sometime during your upcoming adventure, so why delay the inevitable.

First, she doesn’t really care what you think about her ‘room brightening’ project. She was only trying to be nice, in her womanly way. In these things, she only values your male upper body strength. Continue Reading

Sesame Street is no longer the wholesome neighborhood street that children and their families flock to to enjoy an afternoon of counting and rhyming and learning some fun educational facts. It is becoming more and more a place where you don’t want to hang out. Some of the popular characters have either totally moved away to look for work in other big cities or have gone on the skids. Loveable Grover has been spotted many a time on the street’s main intersection bumming for change. Continue Reading

Technological advances in how people are doing their business these days have prompted one of the largest exoduses in America. Entire close-knit groups, mainly large families banding together, are pooling their resources and heading for the rugged wilderness found in Idaho, Montana, and even California.

One such group calls itself the “New Garden of Eden” after the Bible of course, but more importantly after a quilt design, “Garden of Eden.” The leader of the group, Harmon Eekins of Providence, Rhode Island claims he got the idea from reading a book. Continue Reading

Psychologists have been following disturbing trends developing from a self help philosophy from the 1980′s called Transactional Analysis. TA is based upon a consciousness growth bestseller book entitled “I’m OK, You’re OK”. Written by Thomas A. Harris MD, it was a book whose primary message was to base all relationships on the premise that everyone is OK just the way they are without any changes, including the reader himself. The publication was a huge international hit offering a message of simple positivism to the world. Since that time many other individuals have altered that simple philosophy in their own ways, some good, some bad. Psychologists from the Institute To Make Everyone As Sane As Is Possible In a Screwy World have found the following disturbing deviations from the original ideas:

The Marine Corps- We’re OK, you are shit. Continue Reading

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (GlossyNews) — Scientists in Stockholm are just now concluding a 5-year long research project designed to determine whether or not mainstream consciousness is finally overpowering mindless consciousness and endangering the world we live in to such a degree that we may find ourselves staring down the real Apocalypse of 2012.

Some of the findings are startling. From the “don’t worry your bottom dollar about it” scenario to “holy shit, we have a crisis on our hands” [our words not theirs], the report is poised to set the social networking world on its head. Continue Reading

TORREY PINES STATE PARK, California (GlossyNews) — The first deadly salmon attack on the California coast occurred early Wednesday afternoon. Giant, carnivorous salmon fatally attacked a nudist couple while honeymooning on the clothing-optional portion of Blacks Beach off the Pacific Coast. The couple was leisurely swimming when suddenly surrounded and attacked by a large school of genetically altered salmon; the salmon commonly referred to as “Frankenfish”.

The Torrey Pines State Park lifeguard reported hearing loud screaming followed by violent splashing at approximately 3:30 p.m. about 300 yards from the shoreline. Lifeguard Bobby Dicoco spotted the couple and immediately set out to rescue the couple while his assistant, Continue Reading

ANANAPOLIS, Maryland (GlossyNews) — What started out as a simple educational outing for a group of sight impaired lesbians from the local Helen Keller Institute for the Blind, ended up with almost all of the women being herded into paddy wagons for a noisy ride to the city jail.

Tail ‘n Fin fish market manager, Bill Leopold had this to say, “Man! It was getting real ugly! Those poor women must have been locked up way too long before they brought them here. The seafood smell just got to ‘em I guess. They just went plain crazy!” Continue Reading

MIDDLE AMERICA, USA (GlossyNews) — Folks facing financial ruin in Michigan have finally come up with a solution to losing their homes to banks through the foreclosure process. They are taking their unemployment checks and purchasing rifles to fend off anyone looking to evict them from the homes they’ve worked so hard over the years to buy. They’re also buying beer necessary to keep their bravado up as they attempt to stave off those who are hell bent on taking what’s left of their dignity. Continue Reading

BIRMINGHAM, United Kingdom (GlossyNews) — By all accounts Treavor Slaughter should be an a ladies man with girls rushing up to him every moment as he enters his first year in the university….But things are different today in the UK. Treavor has decided to enroll in the new George Michael’s School of Advanced Faggotry.

Today, this is not an isolated incident, and Treavor is not alone. In fact, the Labour Party enlisted the help of a renowned third-party research think-tank to examine the current state of male sexuality in the UK. The finds were startling and sobering….A full 90% of British males are gay or profess a desire to be gay in the near future! The other 10% live in Scotland! Continue Reading

Jason Margwalter, or Talahasee, Florida, recently wed his highschool sweetheart. Since both of them had saved themselves for marriage, allegedly, they had high expectations for their wedding night. Not all went quite to plan, according to new bride Nichole, but thanks to the power of the Bible, Jason had a ready explanation. Continue Reading