Category: Health
West Nile Death Toll Rises to 4,028 Mosquitoes
DRUID HILLS, GEORGIA – The latest report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has found that the death toll in the recent spread of West Nile’s disease has increased to more than 4,000 mosquitoes. More than half…
How to Lose Weight the (Cheap &/or?) Easy Way
I meant to write this 20 or 30 pounds ago, but I wasn’t yet fully sure it wasn’t an anomaly, so I held off. But I’ve kept shedding the pounds, so I feel inclined to share. You know, for the…
ATOS Declares Dead Man Fit for Work
In a shocking lapse of judgement last week, an assessor from ATOS Origin placed James Wright, 62, in the ‘fit for work’ group mere moments after he had suffered a fatal stroke. “It was a nightmare,” Rosemary, Mr. Wright’s widow,…
Sign the Petition to Create a Single-Payer Healthcare System
Glossy News editor Brian K. White has create a petition to the White House to create a single-payer healthcare system. Please take a moment to sign it. UPDATE 11/17/12: Behold the power of GlossyNews.com… the petition reached the signature threshold…
Yes Virginia, We’ll Protect Your Vagina
Planned Parenthood today issued a public announcement that they were no longer taking the continued attacks on their services lying down. In a coordinated effort with several law groups, a new service being offered is to legally incorporate your uterus….
“Roof of My Mouth Feels Pruny” Says Man on Mushrooms
William Bergerson, a 22-year-old student at the University of Michigan, recently told this Glossy News reporter that the roof of his mouth “totally feels pruny.” He was tripping on mushrooms at the time, but insisted that had nothing to do…
Extreme Yoga Takes Downward Dog Turn
Health advisers are warning people of the dangers of the extreme yoga craze that is sweeping the nation. An extreme form of yoga has been developed among a group of hardcore practitioners, in the underground yoga dens of New York,…
Triple Negative Grocer Doesn’t Not Have No Bananas Today
Jerome Heywood, a green grocer working in Poughkeepiee, New York, has two conundra on his hands. First is the quantity of bananas he has available, but second and more importantly, is conveying this number to his befuddled customers. “It’s not…
Catholic Church To Endorse Masturbation By Males Only
The Catholic church is preparing to make a major announcement concerning changes to their view on sexual behavior. After years of frowning upon, and causing many young Catholics to experience immense guilt, they are now ready to endorse masturbation for…
Nine Foods to Eat to Prevent a Hangover
You know how it is when you’ve had too much to drink. You want anything you can find to counteract the poison, so you do anything you can to feel better. Or do you? But there are actual things you…