Archive | Health

Teens Having Less Sex (in the missionary position)

Teens Having Less Sex (in the missionary position)

According to research conducted nationwide, conventional teen coitus is on the downturn. Not in favor of abstinence, but in favor of more exhausting, athletic and often dangerous positions. Continue Reading

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Americans Depressed Over “Fat” Stereotype Seek Solace in Cheesecake

Americans Depressed Over “Fat” Stereotype Seek Solace in Cheesecake

Americans, long iconic heroes to ignorant third-worlders and lesser ethnics alike, have in recent decades been labeled as nothing more than lazy, overweight, couch-faring snobs by counterparts in Europe and Asia alike. This reputation may have exacerbated the problem as, increasingly, Americans are found seeking comfort and acceptance both from Big Mars as well as pints of double-fudge ice cream. Continue Reading

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Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports

Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports

On the eve of release, designers and critics alike are praising the much anticipated release of the newest version of Slut. Whether you are a casual user or a diehard Slut enthusiast, the robust build promises a hole new experience in high speed access. Continue Reading

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Ball Cancer; Testing your Testes for Health and Safety

Ball Cancer; Testing your Testes for Health and Safety

Among the rarest of cancers comes cancer of the testes. Glossy News brings you these helpful tips to keeping your balls healthy. Continue Reading

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Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”

Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”

Pfizer has released their newest series of commercials for the highly popular erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra. During a New York Yankees game last week Pfizer debuted their new commercial. The new advertising campaign abandons their previous approach of “Blue pill makes pappy happy,” in favor of their more direct demographic approach. Continue Reading

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Tattoo Fails to be Even Remotely Sexy

Tattoo Fails to be Even Remotely Sexy

Jerri-Anne Thomas is a newly divorced, middle-aged, portly housewife who has been working hard to express the hunger of her acute onset mid-life crisis. When her sexually liberated spinster friend got a new tattoo hailed as sexy by a variety of fellow bar-goers, Jerri-Anne decided it was just the thing for her. Continue Reading

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Razor Blade Sales Down Despite Halloween

Razor Blade Sales Down Despite Halloween

Major razor manufacturer Gillette and pin and needle maker PrickCo have shown slumping sales, even though Halloween is only days away. Late October usually sees a surge in sales of razors, needles, and other sharp objects. Continue Reading

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Woman “Powdering Nose” Actually Taking Big Ol’ Dump

Woman “Powdering Nose” Actually Taking Big Ol’ Dump

SAN FRANCISCO – While on a dinner date with Oakland resident Robert Madison, 25, Eva Truman, 24, excused herself, claiming she had to powder her nose. Subsequent investigation, though, has revealed an ulterior motive to her bathroom visit Tuesday night. Continue Reading

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