Category: Science
NASA Claims Solar Flare Mistaken for Distress Signal
A visibly distraught NASA Director Sharon Love spoke to reporters this week about what she called ‘that stupid thing with space aliens.’ “Look, I seriously don’t have time for this. My assignment is outreach to the Muslim world, period. When…
Komodo Dragon Genome Escapes from Computer Lab
Austin, Tex. — An entire Komodo Dragon genome has reportedly got loose from a MySQL database at Infinite Loop Biological Research Co. in Austin, Tex. and is already starting to breed and reproduce itself in computers and computer networks worldwide….
New Species of Lunatic Discovered
Psycho-zoology has long been considered a low-glamour science. While botanists and biologists regularly grab headlines with new discoveries, psycho-zoologists labor in obscurity. Experts have always believed there aren’t any new ‘burnt cookie’ species to be identified, due to the thorough…
Poodles Dropping Like Flies in France
First it was fishes, then it was birds, now it’s poodles. Thousands of standard poodles are dropping like flies in France. While miniature, tea cup, toy and other varieties of poodles seem to be thriving in France and other parts…
Sarah Palin’s Mojo Explained by Voodoo Research
Scientists researching the phenomena of Politically Incorrect Mass Propaganda Syndrome (PIMPS) announced a breakthrough into the biggest question of 2010: “What makes Sarah Palin perpetually politically relevant?” After statistically modeling data from thousands of successful people, researchers contend that the…
New Planet Discovered; Patriotic Americans Worry about Jobs
Scientists are still excited over the discovery of a habitable planet orbiting the nearby red dwarf star, Gliese 581. However, the discovery has many Americans wondering what the government plans to do in the event of an alien invasion. “We…
Center of Known Universe Found During Routine Colonoscopy
University researchers have made a startling discovery after a routine colonoscopy of a 50 year old native American man revealed a phenomenon. The discovery is known in layman’s terms as….The Center of the Known Universe! The true Theta Victa Gamma…
Cape Ground Squirrel Study: Masturbation Necessary to Avoid STDs
A recent study has concluded that male Cape ground squirrels have a reason for being one of the most prolific wanking species on the planet. They are ensuring the healthiness of their privates. One has to wonder if these study…
Noted Anthropologist – Early Man “Flintstone” was Homosexual
Sure, you remember him. Yes, that adorable Fred Flintstone wearing his cave man outfit of an animal skin over one shoulder and hanging around with best friend Barney Rubble. The Flintstones were the modern age vision of a Stone Age…
Recently Discovered Noah’s Ark Artifacts Destroyed in Quran Bonfire Mishap
MOUNT ARARAT, Turkey (GlossyNews) — In the close-knit evangelical archeological community, few can recall more dizzying heights and tragic lows in such a short time span. The Xinyou Qing Project (rough English translation, ‘We go find Ark now’) first grabbed…