Category: Science
Telescope Reveals Remains of Alice Kramden on Lunar Surface
Houston, TX – GlossyNews.com – Scientists released information, along with a Top Secret report, about the discovery of human remains dressed in what appears to be a yellow house dress. The remains were spotted laying in the open on the…
Scientists Find Dolphins Could Once Dance a Jig
New Zealand scientists have proven that it is another mammal other than man that is the smartest creature on earth. Recent evidence has convinced them that the dolphin uses the most brain cells and not his distant relative the homo…
Paleontologists Find Mastodon Remains in Congressmen Waxman’s Paleolithic Nostrils
Washington, DC- Glossy News – (House of Representatives-Capitol Hill) Congressmen Henry Waxman (D-CA) never guessed he would be in the news for something un-related to politics, but stranger things have happened to people as strange looking as the Democratic Representative…
Solar Tsunami Headed Toward Earth; What NASA Didn’t Say
From Astronomy Daily: While NASA was trying to get our attention by telling us a Solar Tsunami is nothing to worry about and would only be responsible for bringing the Aurora Borealis further south for viewing, the very fact that…
Director Cameron Making 4-D Movie
HOLLYWOODLAND, West Coast (GlossyNews) — Self-crowned ‘King of Directors’ James Cameron today announced a project expected to establish a new standard in cinema. Speaking from Malibu’s exclusive ‘Pssst, You can smoke in here’ Bistro, the mega-hit crafter was upbeat, while…
ET’s to End Earth Monitoring
ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) — The Intergalactic Play Nice Force has decided to abandon Earth operations, so said District Superintendent Greg Gort today. “The IPNF really has no interest here anymore. It’s a wind-down, could take three Earth years at…
Coast Guard Fights Huge Leak in SeaWorld Whale
ORLANDO, Florida (GlossyNews) — Wearied by weeks of fighting the horrendous Gulf oil spill, the U.S. Coast Guard mobilized today to battle a large leak from a giant whale in a SeaWorld theme park. “This is massive,” said Coast Guard…
Theoretical Physicist Fails to Impress Americas Got Talent Judges with Wormhole Act
CHICAGO, Illinois (GlossyNews) — Things got a little strange Wednesday night in Chicago when a one-man act by the name of Arcus Temporis came on stage armed only with a chalkboard and a piece of chalk and an eraser. “What…
FEMA Releases Prep Guide for an Extinction-sized Meteorite Impact
Not ready for a potential meteor impact that could destroy all life as we know it? Download FEMA’s preparation guide and feel better about attempting to protect your family.
Scientists Redefine Kilogram Using Mass of Local Chicago Man
After much debate, the International Bureau of Weights and Measures (IBWM) has finally agreed to peg the exalted kilogram to the consistently stable weight of Chicago area man Travis Phillips.