New Species of Lunatic Discovered

Psycho-zoology has long been considered a low-glamour science. While botanists and biologists regularly grab headlines with new discoveries, psycho-zoologists labor in obscurity.

Experts have always believed there aren’t any new ‘burnt cookie’ species to be identified, due to the thorough research of Sigmund Freud. That long cherished paradigm has now been overturned.

Professor Percy Hyde-Warf spoke this week from Oxford’s esteemed Center for Psycho-Zoology Stuff. The CPZS Director told reporters, “In short ladies and gentlemen, the Tucson shooter has been determined to be a previously un-cataloged species of dingle berry.”

Hyde-Warf explained why the discovery is so important to the field of Psycho-zoology.

“At first we believed he was just another garden variety lonei Paranoius, because after all? He’s been going around for years claiming the government is doing mind control via manipulation of grammar rules. I personally didn’t know you Americans had any grammar rules, but that’s beside the point. So we initially mis-identified the Tucson shooter, due to this new species’ clever mimicry abilities.”

Professor Hyde-Warf then introduced the panel of CPZS researchers who made the groundbreaking identification.

Professor Trevor Chalmers acted as spokesperson for the group. “This is a form of madness that leap-frogs past its initial source. And I’ll tell you something about frogs. It’s bloody easy to discover a new species of amphibian. Just go to a rain forest, kick over a rock and there you have it. But about this Tucson shooter chap? He shot a female politician. Sarah Palin is a female politician. Arizona and Alaska both begin with the same letter. Alaska’s motto is ‘the last frontier.’ Uncle Fester boy there, his targeted victim is married to an astronaut. On the old Star Trek show, space was called ‘the final frontier.’ All these important facts, taken together clearly indicate he was driven to violence by the fact Ms. Palin is on this planet. That Palin is a very dangerous woman.”

The newly discovered flavor of burnt cookie has been officially designated blameus Palinici.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

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