Microsoft Office Assistant Finds New Life (comic)

Arguably one of the greatest inventions of software is the oft-forgotten fellow named “Clippy”. You remember him, he would constantly interrupt you when you were trying to do something productive.

If you started a document with the word “dear”, that worthless bucket of crap would show up to try to give you some completely useless advice you didn’t want, couldn’t use, and couldn’t figure out how to get rid of.

But in 2013, I became a cartoonist. Not a good one, mind you, but it is what it is. And in my world, Clippy still has some use.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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Report: Man Fails to Give Damn

OCEAN CITY – Family, relatives, and friends are in mourning after a man announced he does not give a damn about life, the universe, or anything.

Morgan Carlyle, 46, made the announcement as he left his job at Burger Blast on Saturday, and has since been cooped up in his apartment by city hall, where he is attempting to avoid speaking to the press.

Recorded audio of the fateful moment reveals Carlyle’s blunt message to the country. “The simple reality is, I just don’t give a damn anymore. Nothing is going to change that — not even ecstasy.” Read more Report: Man Fails to Give Damn

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Consumers Wowed by PNC “Free iPad” Promotion

Consumer circles are going wild over a new promotion being offered by PNC Bank to first-time clients who opt to open an account with the nationwide financial company.

Anyone who pays a non-refundable, $700 bank fee under the promotion is eligible to receive an Apple iPad, absolutely free of charge.

“What we are shooting for here is great value in every new customer’s experience with PNC Bank,” said Mark Maners, PNC’s chief marketing operative. Read more Consumers Wowed by PNC “Free iPad” Promotion

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N,. Korean Missile Found to be Powered by Diet Pepsi, Mentos

A long range missile shot by North Korea over Japan on Sunday turned out to be a giant tube filled with Mentos and Diet Pepsi.

The missile shot sent fear through the Asian nations that perceive North Korea as a wild card capable of anything.

Country leader Kim Il Un claimed that the missile merely sent a communications satellite into orbit, but most believe that it was really a test of their long range missile capabilities. Read more N,. Korean Missile Found to be Powered by Diet Pepsi, Mentos

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Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars

Jihad organizers, coordinators and enthusiasts met this week in San Antonio, Texas, to advance their myriad causes. A panel discussion entitled “Sub-Suicide Bombings” brought up an interesting possibility; autonomous cars.

Speaking from room 410 at the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center, Achmed Mumuhammed said, in response to a question about technology, “Once self-driving cars are on the streets, that will take over for suicide bombings.” Read more Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars

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Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism

Google offers an Auto-Complete feature. You start your search, they suggest what you might want to see, based on what others have searched… and Google thinks you’re a huge racist.

I searched almost every country in the world and what I found was… well, it was interesting to say the least. I wouldn’t go as far as to say “informative”, but it definitely speaks to prejudices, pre-conceived notions and bigotry-at-large. Read more Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism

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