Category: Technology
Evil Excel Spreadsheet Doing Everything In Power to Stop Guy Leaving Work on Time
INDIANAPOLIS – Seemingly not content to just let office worker Aaron McMillan clock out of work at the regular time of five-thirty, a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet is doing everything in its Goddamn power Monday to make sure that McMillan stays…
Large Hadron Collider ‘Not Taken Over By Sinister Villain Who Plans To Take Over The World’
Breaking News from Switzerland today, the Swiss Government are under scrutiny after an inside source leaked that Large Hadron Collider nicknamed ‘The Black Hole Generator’ by cyber geeks with no life, may have been ‘acquired’ by the power hungry megalomaniac…
Local scientist and teen killed in freak Delorean accident
An eccentric inventor and local teen were killed yesterday when the Delorean in which they were riding crashed into a wall at about 90 mph. Martin McFly, 18, and Dr. Emmett ‘Doc’ Brown, age unavailable, were pronounced “really dead” at…
Shopping Conundrum: Sub-Featherweight Micro SD Card or 11+lbs of CF Cards?
The first time I bought memory was on the eve of my first trip to China in January of 2001. I’d never been to Asia and figured, “hey, Shanghai is a place I’ve heard of, so off I went. My…
5th Grader Tells Friend Personal Secret, Now Wanted by NSA for Revealing Government Secrets
WASHINGTON — Federal authorities yesterday filed espionage charges against Area Fifth-grader Eddie Rainden for allegedly disclosing to an unnamed classmate that he still, on occasion, pees the bed, a secret over which the NSA is claiming ownership since, according to…
Windows 8.1 Invites 100k Testers, Discards All Data
Microsoft has undertaken the biggest Operating System test in history by inviting 100,000 users to labs around the world to test their new platfrom. More than 5 million pages of data was collected, all of which were discarded. “It wasn’t…
Report: 10% of Facebook Users Unaware Others Can See Their Posts
PALO ALTO, CALIF — In a recent Pew Research Center study, a reported 10% of Facebook users are oblivious to the fact that other people can see what they write. The study alleges that of that 10% of naive morons,…
Microsoft Office Assistant Finds New Life (comic)
Arguably one of the greatest inventions of software is the oft-forgotten fellow named “Clippy”. You remember him, he would constantly interrupt you when you were trying to do something productive. If you started a document with the word “dear”, that…
Report: Man Fails to Give Damn
OCEAN CITY – Family, relatives, and friends are in mourning after a man announced he does not give a damn about life, the universe, or anything. Morgan Carlyle, 46, made the announcement as he left his job at Burger Blast…
Consumers Wowed by PNC “Free iPad” Promotion
Consumer circles are going wild over a new promotion being offered by PNC Bank to first-time clients who opt to open an account with the nationwide financial company. Anyone who pays a non-refundable, $700 bank fee under the promotion is…