Announcer: Monica Lewinsky was recently interviewed about her affair with former President Bill Clinton. Dick and Janey’s guest today on “Yucky World” will be Hedda Enabler, spokesperson for the National Association of Disorganized Women.
They will be discussing the fact that her organization has not objected to men like Clinton having sex with women who are their subordinates.
Enabler: Hey, bud! You left out the word “consensual”.
Dick:Wow! How did you know our announcer’s name was Bud? I didn’t even know that!
Janey: Forgive him, Ms. Enabler. There’s a lot he doesn’t know.
Enabler: Probably starting with sex.
Dick: Hey, I know about the birds and the fleas.
Janey: Anyway, how can sex between a subordinate and her boss be consensual? If she refuses, it could cost the woman her job.
Enabler: Just say “No!”
Dick: I think I’ve heard that before.
Janey: And if she loses her job?
Enabler: Sue him!
Dick: That will keep the trial lawyers smiling.
Janey: What if it’s a lawyer having sex with his secretary?
Dick: Another smiling lawyer?
Enabler:Let’s look at a real world example like President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.
Janey: As an intern, she wasn’t even an employee when the affair started.
Enabler: Doesn’t matter. It was consensual. The President was under a lot of pressure, and she was helping him to relieve it.
Dick: When I’m under stress, I usually go for a walk.
Enabler: I bet you drop bread crumbs so you can find your way home.
Janey: And what kind of stress was David Letterman under with his staffers?
Enabler: Hey, it’s tough being a high profile network comedian. You have to tell some really good jokes night after night.
Janey: But, you certainly must object to Roman Polanski having sex with a thirteen-year-old girl.
Enabler: Cut the guy a little slack. He’s made a lot of great movies…and look at all the pressure and personal tragedies he’s had to face.
Janey: But a thirteen-year-old?
Enabler: Shakespeare’s Juliet was only thirteen!
Dick: Hmm! “Roman and Juliet”? It doesn’t really work for me.
Janey: Polanski even drugged her.
Enabler: So! Juliet did drugs, too.
Dick: Sex! Drugs! Some things never change!!
Janey: But what if the tables are turned? What if the woman is the boss who’s demanding sex?
Enabler: I guess men will just have to get used to it.
Dick: Used to what?
Enabler: Being in the subordinate position.
Dick: I don’t remember that position from my sex ed class.
Janey: Isn’t it just blatant hypocrisy to say it’s consensual sex when the relationship is between a boss and a subordinate?
Enabler: Sometimes it depends on who the boss is.
Janey: Well, what about George W. Bush?
Enabler: That “W” stood for “War on Women”!
Janey: Well, he did free a lot of women from domination by the misogynist Taliban!
Enabler: Sure, but what did he do for American women?
Janey: Isn’t that a double standard?
Enabler: Well, it’s better than having no standards at all!
Dick: Maybe I should become a trial lawyer.
Janey: Don’t you remember what Shakespeare wrote about killing all the lawyers?
Dick: Yeah, but at least they would have died with smiles on their faces. Yuck! Yuck!
Janey: You’d better wipe that smirk off your face before I do it for you!
Dick: “For never was a story of more woe…” Than this of Janey and her Dickeo!
Dick: Yeah! But at least I’m consistent!