Lebron James Arrives, to the Dismay of Teammates Who Wanted to Shoot

The arrival of Lebron James on the Los Angeles Lakers has not thrilled everyone. After years of dealing with Kobe Bryant taking every shot on offense, now the other players on the Lakers have to cope with the fact that Lebron will be taking all of the shots for the next four years.

“We were so close,” shooting guard Kentavious Caldwell-Pope said, watching Labron James shooting free throws during the pre-game warm up for the season opener against the Portland Trail Blazers. “I was looking forward to finally getting the chance to shoot the ball.”

“Now it’s just going to be pass, pass, pass,” Lonzo Ball agreed. “The only difference is we’re going to get pressured to give it to Lebron, rather than Kobe.”

“There goes my career,” lamented Brandon Ingram, a talented scorer who is watching his player stock plummet. “I’m going to call my agent and ask whether I should just quit, now.”

Lakers coach Luke Walton, however, refused to acknowledge the alleged problem.

“We just signed the best player to ever step on the court, and other players want a chance to touch the ball? Instead of complaining, they should memorize where to silently stand for the nine isolation plays that make up our offensive strategy.”

The only people happy about the situation, apparently, are the coaches for the other teams in the NBA’s Western Conference.

Quin Snyder, head coach of the Utah Jazz and former assistant coach with the Lakers, admitted that he was looking forward to arranging his defense for next month’s matchup with his old team.

“I coached the Lakers while Kobe was just dropping out of his prime; when he was still demanding the ball, but couldn’t really do much with it, anymore.” He smiled, and added, “It’s easy to defend. You just can’t be distracted by the other players on the court.”

Whipping out his whiteboard, he drew a standard offensive high post setup, then drew one X in the key, and four others surrounding one of the circles.

“See? You just need to keep one defender down here to guard the close shots. Everyone else can just cluster around Lebron.”

He started to erase the strategy, then chuckled and stopped. “You know what? I don’t even care who sees this. Everyone in the league has already decided it’s exactly what they’re going to do.”

Author: Sean Myers

Sean Myers is a professional writer and legal blogger. He lives in upstate New York.