Author: Liberties-Taken
Mitre Spins as Vatican Does Safety Dance U-Turn
The mother Church of Christendom was roiled this week by excerpts from a new book by Pope Benedict LVMCIII. The book, “Because I said So” has stirred controversy due to several passages wherein the Pontiff clarifies condom use. Somewhere in…
Forget Green, “Blue” Group Mounts Tea Party Challenge
CINCINNATI, Ohio (Glossy News) — Flush with recent success, the loosely organized AstroTurf Tea Party movement already faces a threat to its new-found power from an unexpected source. While some political analysts call the group a predictable splintering, others term…
TSA Anger Leads Nudist Airlines to Growth, Uprising
Nature Air CEO Calvin Klavan is quick to tell reporters he doesn’t like the term ‘nudist.’ “We’re not nudists; we’re naturists. When you cloth-backs go to the zoo, do you marvel at the ‘nude’ animals? No, of course you don’t….
Advocacy Group to Toothlessly Protest Redneck Comedians, Unaware of Irony
Cable Professionals United Against Hurtful Stereotypes spokesperson Carl Tuckerson spoke to reporters today on the newly minted group’s grievances and plans. Per Tuckerson, the CPUAHS was formed in defensive reaction to a pervasive, insidious and pernicious media campaign to brand…
Deposed Pelosi Hostage Crisis Continues
It began as a beautiful Autumnal morning in our nation’s capitol, but at this writing many probably wonder if they’ll survive the day. Those close to speaker Pelosi have told Glossy News they’ve never known her to act out like…
Haiti Officially Declared ‘Kenny’ of Nations
In the aftermath of Hurricane Tomas’ further devastation to the beleaguered Caribbean hellhole, an emergency meeting of the UN has officially declared Haiti the ‘Kenny’ of the global community. Scholars and UN watchdogs call the unanimous decree historical, unprecedented and…
Insider: Kato Kaelin to Join NPR for “Balance”
An unusually combative Janet Bryce-Flaverhaven spoke to reporters this week as she unveiled the long awaited 2011 NPR schedule. The venerable broadcasting behemoth, much loved by hundreds of listeners, has been a topic of much recent scrutiny. The reflexive firing…
Tennessee’s Jackass Race Still Too Close to Call
Insiders have always watched Tennessee elections closely. The reasons for this scrutiny are varied. Partly, it’s the famous axiom ‘As Tennessee goes, so goes Kentucky usually.’ More than that though, the Volunteer state has always provided America with a cornucopia…
Pundit Recycling Program Deemed Success
Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. We heard somebody named Juan Williams got fired from NPR and wanted to get the real story. Because the excuse that was given, well? Gringos are a little off in…
Johnny Depp School Visit Ends in Tragedy
LONDON, United Kingdom (Glossy News) — What was meant to be a special day for children at Middleburytonshire Elementary will be recalled quite differently after a surprise visit from Johnny Depp took a turn for the worse. Precocious Jessica Smythe-Flaverhaven…