Deposed Pelosi Hostage Crisis Continues

It began as a beautiful Autumnal morning in our nation’s capitol, but at this writing many probably wonder if they’ll survive the day. Those close to speaker Pelosi have told Glossy News they’ve never known her to act out like that.

Yet this morning around 9:00 a heavily armed Pelosi arrived at her offices, in what witnesses describe as ‘Rambo gear.’ In the developing saga, it appears Ms. Pelosi is holding seventeen hostages in her offices, including the coffee lady, Wanda Carlson. Ms. Carlson was elected spokesperson for the group, after beating back a brief filibuster attempt from Craig the copier tech.

This city, widely known for its culture of cooperation, has seldom seen such tension since President Millard Pierce was lobbying his wife for a threesome.

Your Glossy News reporter now stands on a sidewalk, watching a city street that was just another street yesterday. Today it is a marketplace where lives must be bartered for. The street is full of police cars and uniformed law enforcement people crouching behind them wearing protective vests.

In the middle of the street stands a man in a dark suit, sweat pouring down his face in the late autumn heat of Washington. He looks a lot like Tommy Lee Jones, come to think of it. With a megaphone, hostage negotiator Ken Clavan attempts to reason with Rambo Nancy, who cut all phone lines at 9:05.

“Now Madam Speaker, nobody has to get hurt here; we can work together. Hell, Robert Duvall has breath that’d drop a zombie, but people work with him, right? Just tell me what you want, and we can go from there.”

Pelosi ducks from window to window, denying the Navy SEAL snipers a clear shot.

“I want to be minority leader, that’s what I want! Give me that and nobody gets killed; except for Craig of course. And I want full amnesty on the Craig thing.”

“Well now Nancy, we can’t exactly give you everything you’ve asked for, all right sugar? Nobody cares about Craig, but you led your party to a scalding defeat, and you should be glad to still have a job period.”

At this point, it appears the hostage crisis won’t be resolved without blood being spilled.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

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