Author: Liberties-Taken
Cockfighting Bill Nears Passage
Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. First we want to remind you. Glossy News told you President Obama would ease travel restrictions to Cuba so it can become a new Spring break destination for hordes of…
Crazy Woman Buys AOL for Fair Market Value: Negative $315 Million
It’s already being called the deal of the century, and there are still eighty-nine years to go. Liberal news aggregator and alleged Gabor sister Arianna Huffington now owns AOL. Media watchers are at a loss to explain what happened or…
Mid-West Unrest Erupts
Authorities have now surrendered hope that blizzard conditions would dissuade the tens of thousands now holding candle light vigils in Cleveland, Ohio. The protesters stand defiant in the face of wind chill factors that would make a polar bear cuss…
Hillary Presidential Hopes Fading
Grand Rapids, MI native Hillary Pierce was shocked this week to learn CNN thinks her senior class presidency bid is doomed. According to lunch room witnesses, seventeen-year old Hillary was inconsolable and left early, missing her AP Chemistry class. At…
Released from Gitmo, Right Back to Terrorism
Usually reclusive Rock phenomenon Faisal X spoke to reporters this week about stardom, musical influences and career goals. “My roots; middle class upbringing in Jordan. Studying engineering in France when I got radicalized. Next thing I’m lugging ammo boxes over…
Cairo Chaos Bad for Business
Egypt has long been considered the least interesting of Middle East nations. Although respected as the originator of massively silly public works projects, its modern political system has been as constant as the Sphinx. All that changed this week as…
Conservatives Protest Olbermann Departure
Isaac Newton once observed, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” The truth of that is seldom seen more clearly than in the rough and tumble of American politics. And so it was this week as Tea…
New Species of Lunatic Discovered
Psycho-zoology has long been considered a low-glamour science. While botanists and biologists regularly grab headlines with new discoveries, psycho-zoologists labor in obscurity. Experts have always believed there aren’t any new ‘burnt cookie’ species to be identified, due to the thorough…
GOP Blasts Don’t Ask/Tell Compromise as Sub-Fabulous
On this snowy day in our nation’s Capitol, one can feel the power of hope overtaking all vestiges of cynicism. This lame duck Congress seems to this reporter’s eyes, to be driven by a spirit of bipartisanship seldom seen in…
Barbour Picked as 2012 Favorite, for what Remains to be Seen
Haley Barbour this week catapulted past other GOP Presidential hopefuls, a feat considered all the more amazing by leading physicists since Barbour weighs about 350 pounds. As battle lines form for the 2012 nominating process, consensus among political veterans is…