Cockfighting Bill Nears Passage

Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

First we want to remind you. Glossy News told you President Obama would ease travel restrictions to Cuba so it can become a new Spring break destination for hordes of stupid rich college kids. We told you that before anybody else because we’re the serious journalists.

Now about this Cockfighting Bill. You have bad priorities. Families are sleeping in cars at Wal-Mart parking lots, and the Congress of the United States has nothing more to worry about than cockfighting?

There is a glaring irony in that hermana, how the dispossessed now avail themselves of facilities at the gleaming edifices of off-shoring megalith Wal-Mart.

Consuela you are my sister and I love you very much. I just wish you’d stop listening to NPR. You talk creepy.

So about this cockfighting. That’s a big deal in Mexico. Which means it’s also a big deal in California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas and Colorado. I know some of you thought bullfighting was the major animal-related blood sport in Mexico. Do you get ALL your information about Latin America from Carmen Miranda movies or something?

Why do you even care how a rooster dies? Have you ever actually even been around a rooster? Probably not. I think you avail yourself of the gleaming ignorance that your dinner arrives on this planet wrapped in plastic. I don’t see Senators worried too much what happens to chickens at Tyson plants. But just because some Latinos are entertained on weekends by seeing which rooster wins a fight, everybody gets all excited.

The point is you invited Latin America into your country, so you invited our culture too. Everybody did it, Republicans and Democrats. Get your roof shingled cheap, get your hotel rooms vacuumed cheap, and get your leaf blowers running, cheap, cheap, cheap. You ever seen a Mexican guy with a leaf blower who was wearing ear protection? No, you haven’t. A guy is slowly going deaf running that leaf blower, but instead you get all excited about how a chicken dies.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

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