Cairo Chaos Bad for Business

Egypt has long been considered the least interesting of Middle East nations. Although respected as the originator of massively silly public works projects, its modern political system has been as constant as the Sphinx. All that changed this week as thousands took to the streets in a defiant bid for something more relevant than ‘everybody gets to vote but not everybody gets to run for office.’

Since that’s also the political system favored in the US, the State Department sees this spontaneous rejection of the Egyptian status quo as troubling. More than that, the recent unrest may signal a disturbing new trend for one heartland company.

Hoosier Novelties headquartered in French Lick, IN worries the Cairo demonstrations might be early warnings of the death knell for that family business established in 1918 by Lou Killebrew.

“We’re suddenly flat on Middle East sales” said a somber Drew Killebrew, HN Director of Sales. “Somebody should be buying our DTA-1400, but it’s not happening. It’s just weird; we don’t know what to make of it.”

The DTA-1400 accounts for 40 percent of Hoosier Novelties’ annual sales. The ‘Death To America’ kit first popularized in the disputed Gaza Strip region includes eight US flags, pre-soaked in gasoline, twelve protest signs with English language generic grievances, and a 12-foot Uncle Sam effigy also pre-soaked in gasoline.

HN CEO Sue Killebrew used a more optimistic tone in her assessment of the recent sales decline. “We continue to have faith in the DTA-1400 as a full service outrage vehicle for our valued customers. Some confused Arabs are temporarily focused on solving their own problems without blaming outside forces. Sure, it’s crazy, but stuff like that happens. We remain confident the ‘Great Satan’ mantra is a value adder in Middle East culture, and Hoosier Novelties is the most trusted brand in English language protest signs and flammable accessories.”

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

2 thoughts on “Cairo Chaos Bad for Business

  1. Rfreed, don’t get all ‘Thomas Paine in the neck’ on me here? We humans are necessarily self-interested for survival reasons.

    There are lots of folk in US right now with kids, who are barely hanging on to homes, and driving 70 miles to some job paying half what they made 5 years ago.

    Not only do I not blame them for worrying about price of gas, I’d think they were fairly squirrely if they weren’t seeing this amazing event through their own personal lens.

    I’m for Egypt, but I know what happened in France in 1790’s too.

    Mostly, I just found it an amusing gag, ‘Death to America’ kits.

  2. The title brings up a good point- the west is suddenly so concerned about their loss of profits and the upsetting of the international economy from the Egyptian uprising. It shows how self centered we can be. A whole people are fighting to get their basic human rights and all that many can think about is how is it going to affect our livelihood. People in Egypt are living on $2 a day- shouldn’t they get a little something in life for themselves as well?

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