Posted in Health

Woman’s Weight Spirals Worryingly Under Control

YORKTOWN – During the post-Christmas period, friends and relatives of local woman Angela Hartman today noted how, in the last year, the 38-year-old’s weight has spiraled worryingly under control. Insisting that Miss Hartman “looks as if she hasn’t eaten in…

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Posted in Religionism Talky Pictures

God Getting Worryingly Into Disaster Movies

HEAVEN – In what proved a serious concern for the International Community Saturday, unconfirmed sources described how His Lordship Almighty God has “really been getting into the disaster movie genre recently,” adding: “He’s watched Twister, like, 8 times in the…

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Posted in Crime Society

Fashion Police Accused of Disproportionately Targeting Blacks

LOS ANGELES, CA – An investigation has begun into allegations that members of the fashion police have deliberately set out to target blacks during routine fashion exposes and before-and-after shots. The announcement comes after 2,000,000 eye-witnesses reported seeing singer Beyonce…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Celebrity Gossip

Rush Limbaugh Crushed Under Falling Vending Machine

PALM BEACH COUNTY, FL – Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was flattened Sunday after a freak accident involving a vending machine left the 61-year-old with multiple injuries. Just 24 hours after issuing an apology to law student Sandra Fluke…

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Posted in Internets Tubes

Indiana Man Uploads Entire Life Onto Facebook

INDIANAPOLIS – Spending more than nine hours a day on Facebook, one of the site’s 800 million users, Michael Treacher, says he has successfully uploaded his entire life onto the social networking site. Not only does his profile provide thousands…

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Posted in Human Interest Society

Texas Messed With

AUSTIN, TX – It has been confirmed that the southern state of Texas was messed with today, as details of the messing continue to emerge. Little is known at present about the exact nature of the messing, but various spokesmen…

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Posted in Biz News

Adorable Indianapolis Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It a Major City

INDIANAPOLIS – As the Super Bowl nears its conclusion, the quite adorable city of Indianapolis is still desperately trying to convince the rest of the country that it is a major metropolis. Pulling in thousands of football fans from the…

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Posted in Politics

Romney Legacy: Vowed to Build an America That People Can Be Leaving

CONCORD, NH – Following a series of primary victories Tuesday, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to build an America that voters from across the entire nation can truly be leaving. Winning a significant number of delegates in…

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Posted in Society

Couple Chooses to Abstain from Postmarital Sex

INDIANAPOLIS – Citing individual beliefs, core moral values and a mutual feeling of resentment toward the other person, Meredith and Anthony Boyer have pledged to experiment with the idea of abstaining from all forms of sexual activity now that they…

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Posted in Politics World News

British Prime Minister Apparently Not Tony Blair Anymore, Nation Finds

WASHINGTON D.C. – During a joint televised address designed to highlight the special relationship between the United States and Great Britain Wednesday, it was revealed to the American public that the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom is not, in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! British Prime Minister Apparently Not Tony Blair Anymore, Nation Finds