Trump Riled He’s Not on Anon’s KKK List

Presidential hopeful and media prostitute Donald Trump took to Twitter Thursday evening, erupting at not being included in the Hacktivist organization Anonymous’ KKK list.

The billionaire Trump, whose campaign has revolved around deporting over 11 million illegal aliens if he’s elected President, insisted that he was deliberately omitted from the list in an attempt by Anonymous to attack his character. Read more Trump Riled He’s Not on Anon’s KKK List

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Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

In historic fashion, the curse of the Billy Goat again reared its ugly head on those Lovable Losers, the Chicago Cubs.

Game four of the National League Championship Series ended with the New York Mets beating the Cubbies by the score of 8-3, sweeping the team everyone thought was destined to win the World Series because Back to the Future predicted it.

The Mets hammered Chicago Cub pitcher Jason Hammel so bad he only lasted two innings innings in the post season game, ensuring the continuation of planetary rotation and balance within the cosmos. Read more Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

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Same Sex Jail Romance Leads to Kentucky Clerk’s Change of Heart

Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis, who refused to issue gay marriage licenses and was taken into federal custody for contempt of court, has posted bond and been released after having a change of heart in jail.

After experiencing what she called a quasi-religious experience with her female cell mate, Davis returned to her job, her cheeks flushed and a smile spread across her formerly dumpy disposition. Read more Same Sex Jail Romance Leads to Kentucky Clerk’s Change of Heart

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Obama Renames Mount McKinley “Caitlyn”

President Obama announced this Sunday that he is officially changing the name of Mount McKinley in Alaska, to Caitlyn, via his 1, 079th executive order since taking office in 2009.

The mountain formally known as McKinley, at 20,320 feet, is the tallest in North America, and has been referred to in the feminine by Alaskans for years. Caitlyn is an Athabascan word that means, “the highest mountain without a peak.” Read more Obama Renames Mount McKinley “Caitlyn”

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Pregnant Bristol Palin to Replace Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White

In an unprecedented move that’s shocked the television world, Wheel of Fortune has replaced its long standing hostess Vanna White and named Bristol Palin her temporary replacement.

The move comes after a series of contract disagreements between White and ABC over salary issues and bonuses.

Vanna White has been Wheel of Fortune’s official letter turner since 1982 but recent negotiations between White’s agent and ABC collapsed late Friday, leaving the popular game show suddenly without anyone to reveal the letters to their puzzles. Read more Pregnant Bristol Palin to Replace Wheel of Fortune’s Vanna White

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Governor Haley Proposes Replacing Confederate Flag with Dukes of Hazzard Flag

Republican Governor Nikki Haley called for the removal of the Confederate flag in the capital of South Carolina Monday, after pressure from many who called the flag racist and divisive.

The pressure was mounting, after a white supremacist opened fire on an historic church in Charleston, killing nine black people.

Governor Haley earlier had defended the flag as a symbol of Southern pride and history, but as a compromise to remove it, she has proposed replacing it with another symbol of Southern pride, the flag from the 1970’s-80’s show, The Dukes of Hazzard. Read more Governor Haley Proposes Replacing Confederate Flag with Dukes of Hazzard Flag

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