President Obama announced this Sunday that he is officially changing the name of Mount McKinley in Alaska, to Caitlyn, via his 1, 079th executive order since taking office in 2009.
The mountain formally known as McKinley, at 20,320 feet, is the tallest in North America, and has been referred to in the feminine by Alaskans for years. Caitlyn is an Athabascan word that means, “the highest mountain without a peak.”
“This is long overdue,” said the President to a large and excited Alaskan crowd of 6 people this weekend. “Mountains should have a right to be that which they truly are, instead of what societal norms expect from them.”
Obama then altered the Mountain’s birth certificate to reflect the name change.
The new and improved Mount Caitlyn was originally christened Mount McKinley by a gold prospector in 1896 in honor of President William McKinley. McKinley, the man, not the mountain, never visited Alaska in his Presidency, yet the name stuck for many reasons, including the hefty expense of reprinting history books a hundred years ago.
To help celebrate the mountain’s transformation, Vanity Fair is running a special feature in this month’s magazine. And across the nation, other misidentified national monuments are rumored to be on the verge of revealing changes of their own. Rumors that Yellowstone National Park is wanting to be identified as Pinkstone have yet to be verified.
Meanwhile, all 28 Republican Presidential candidates have come out against the change, most of whom insist it’s just another Obama overreach and a sign of Socialistic tolerance of deviant behavior that goes against Biblical teachings.
Front runner Donald Trump mocked both the President and the mountain while stumping in Iowa. “If Alaska hadn’t let all the Canadians infiltrate their border, Mount McKinley wouldn’t be a fat pig like Rosie O’Donnell. Elect me President and I will build a wall around Alaska and make America great again!” he said to a roaring crowd.