Obama Pardons Black Turkey: Bojangles will live to loot another day

Obama’s first Post Ferguson pardon occurred Thursday, and just like everything else the President does, the act has got him up to his neck in controversy.

As is tradition at the White House since 1947, the President pardoned a turkey, sparing the bird from the electric knife and the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Pardoning the turkey itself is not controversial, but the kind of turkey he pardoned has ruffled some people’s feathers. President Obama pardoned a black turkey.

“Bojangles” was officially granted a full presidential pardon under the North Portico of the White House shortly after ten Thursday morning. Unlike in previous years, there was no Alternate National Turkey at the ceremony, ready to fly into the role of National Turkey in case Bojangles could not uphold the duties of the job.

Inside sources say the Obamas may have birdnapped the Alternate Turkey, who was MIA for the ceremony, for their Thanksgiving dinner. It may only be speculation that the mystery bird was white.

But other sources inside the White House insist that the First Family is innocent in the disappearance of the other bird. That has only led to speculation that they instead feasted on a canine dish.

After declaring the pardon to the turkey, Obama commented that the pardoned Bojangles was free to tap dance another day. As a rule, the pardoned turkey will be the grand marshal of the Thanksgiving Day Parade at Disneyworld. Bojangles is the first black grand marshal, bird or human, in the parade’s history.

In years past, Presidents beginning with George H.W. Bush, have pardoned turkeys, but like the Presidents themselves, the birds have always been white.

President Obama’s pardon of a black bird has incited in some claims that he doesn’t respect the white culture, and that he subjected the bird to a litmus test before pardoning him. Critics on the right have even gone so far as to claim the President’s decision to pardon a black bird was racially motivated,

especially in the wake of the Ferguson racial tension.

Glenn Beck has called Obama racist, again. “Not only does he have a deep-seated hatred for white culture, clearly he also hates white meat,” said the opinionated Beck while a guest on Fox and Friends.

“What’s wrong with pardoning a white turkey? What does he have against whites? Even his dogs are black!” added Steve Doocy.

“The whitest thing in the White House is a photograph of Michael Jackson,” said Beck.

Ann Coulter, author of “If Democrats Had Any Brains, They’d Be Republicans,” has called the pardon as “affirmative action, for the birds.”

White House spokesman Josh Earnest insists that race did not play a role in what color turkey the President pardoned. The National Turkey Federation has sent a turkey to the White House every year since 1947, and according to Earnest, this year the turkey’s color was as much of a surprise to the President as it was to the press.

Meanwhile, civil rights groups are applauding the move as equality for all. Several have expressed hope that next year’s turkey might be named Michael Brown, in memory of the slain 18-year-old from Ferguson, Missouri.

Some people think that it might be in poor taste to pardon a turkey named Michael Brown, but other disagree, since America has already pardoned a pig named Darren Wilson.

Author: Jenny Corvette

Jenny Corvette is the pen name of Jennifer Gardner, a freelance writer living in Southwest Michigan. She has been nearly arrested and sued over her satirical writing about her local hick town. In her free time, she plays pool, volunteers with political campaigns, and paints Spray Paint Art, all of the proceeds benefiting animal causes. She can be found on facebook at http://facebook.com/jennycorvette

5 thoughts on “Obama Pardons Black Turkey: Bojangles will live to loot another day

  1. You are over-thinking it, TM. Bojangles was just a poor black turkey who was caught up in the criminal justice system without proper representation. Or hands.

    But like Obama says, it’s better than 50 years ago for turkeys.

  2. I knew a bird Bojangles and he’d dance for you.
    With wore out feet.
    In tattered feathers, ragged beak and baggy neck.
    Wasn’t good to eat.
    He jumped so high, jumped so high.
    Scared the crap out of Michael Brown.

    In Ferguson this song was done when he met the cop
    Named Michael Brown.
    “Under his seat were Swisher Sweets and he wouldn’t stop”.
    That’s what the cop wrote down.
    “He jumped so high, jumped so high.
    Shook back his feathers all around.”

    Mr. Bojangles. Mr. Bojangles. Mr. Boangles.

    Michael Brown told the entire town it was self defense.
    Expressed his fears.
    No video so no one who knows what made Brown so tense.
    No one hears…

    The cop ask Bojangles the strangest thing.

    “Mr. Bojangles. Mr. Bojangles. Show me your hands.”
    But he’s got wings…

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