Search Results for: pat robertson
Pat Robertson: Gay Atheists are the Shocktroops of Iran
Pat Robertson is concerned at the mortal peril certain “bad folks” pose to people in the USA, and just this once, he’s not been shy to get to the root of the problem. Now, listen carefully, my dear friends. If…
Pat Robertson’s Releases Greatest Hits Tape–In Category All by Itself
In his own inimitable way, televangelist and former political aspirant, Pat Robertson, announced the release of his highly anticipated “Greatest Hits” VHS tape on his show The 700 Club yesterday. Five minutes later, it had already gone gold. “It’s unbelievable,…
Pat Robertson Puts Hit on Manning
Pat Robertson put a cosmic bounty on quarterback Peyton Manning, damning him to be injured this season as retribution for the Denver Broncos getting rid of Tim Tebow. “Hey, The Saints had the same system. Never second-guess a saint,” said…
Crude Awakening: Giant Oil Slick Blames Pat Robertson for Disaster
Lexington, VA (GlossyNews) — In a strange twist, the giant oil slick invading the Gulf Coast has blamed the capitalist pimp and preacher, known as Pat Robertson, for creating it. “I don’t know what everyone is so upset about.“ said…
GOD: HUMANITY CURSED BECAUSE OF PACT MADE WITH PAT ROBERTSON
THE HEAVENS – In a rare public announcement, God Himself admitted today that Pat Robertson, who by all rights should have choked to death long ago on his own venomous rhetoric, continues to exist at His whim as an object…
Science Nears Cure for Pat Robertson
Pat Robertson, the famed televangelist, remains hospitalized with mysterious needle-like pains that grow worse every time he mentions Haiti, earthquake or Voodoo. The medical world continues to be baffled by the odd pathology. Actor Hugh Laurie of the popular “House”…
Devil Sues Pat Robertson for Breach of Contract
A lawsuit filed by the devil in a Virginia district court claims that Pat Robertson is the party with an actual contractual relationship with Satan. Virginia Beach – The devil filed a lawsuit in the Virginia Beach district court on…
OMG! Crazy Pastor Pat “Blames” Justin Bieber for Freak Weather Conditions
After a lull of a few years, discredited televangelist Pat Robertson has put his theometerology hat back on again. Yes… Pastor Pat has yet another new theory to contribute for why the USA has experienced extreme weather conditions in recent…
Gay Duck Porn Found on Phil Robertson’s Hard Drive
Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson may not condone human homosexuality, but a recent reveal of the contents of his personal computer exposes his fascination with homosexual behavior in the animal kingdom, particularly in the duck species. The hacker group Anonymous…
Robertson Hospitalized with Mysterious ‘Sharp Pains’
Programming ceased today at the popular 700 Club network, as Pat Robertson was rushed to the hospital. The 79 year old televangelist complained of “like needles sticking in me all over, particularly in the crotch area.” The attack came as…