Pat Robertson’s Releases Greatest Hits Tape–In Category All by Itself

In his own inimitable way, televangelist and former political aspirant, Pat Robertson, announced the release of his highly anticipated “Greatest Hits” VHS tape on his show The 700 Club yesterday. Five minutes later, it had already gone gold.

“It’s unbelievable, really,” said industry mogul Tom Jones. “In a short amount of time Robertson’s tape was in a category all by itself because of the sheer numbers behind it–so, we figured why not name it after the man himself. We’re calling it “Patinum”.

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Here are a few quotable gems from the video, and we’re not joking, these are actual quotes from Pat Robertson:

“Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.” –Pat Robertson [SOURCE]

“I would warn Orlando that you’re right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don’t think I’d be waving those flags in God’s face if I were you, This is not a message of hate — this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It’ll bring about terrorist bombs; it’ll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor.” –Pat Robertson, on “gay days” at Disneyworld [SOURCE]

“God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says ‘This is my land,’ and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, ‘No, this is mine.’ … He was dividing God’s land. And I would say, ‘Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.’ God says, ‘This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'” –Pat Robertson, on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke [SOURCE]

“Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up” –Pat Robertson, on nuking the State Department [SOURCE]

“It may be a blessing in disguise. … Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it’s a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.” –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010 [SOURCE]

“Like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit. What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.” –Pat Robertson, giving advice on “The 700 Club” to a woman whose husband cheated on her [SOURCE]

“I know it sounds cruel but if he’s going to do something he should divorce her and start all over again,” he said, “[and] make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her.” The famous evangelist was challenged by his Co-host Terry Meeuwsen, who asked “Isn’t that the vow we take when we marry someone, that’s for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer?” But Robertson responded, “You said ’till death do us part’; this (suffering from Alzheimer’s) is a kind of death.” -Pat Robertson on those married to Alzheimer patients [SOURCE]

Author: jeff boldt

Writer and editor of Iron E-News - a satirical news website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world--at times all too closely mirroring our own. *Also writes under the pseudonym W.P. Scranton

1 thought on “Pat Robertson’s Releases Greatest Hits Tape–In Category All by Itself

  1. I thought this was slanderous nonsense until I clicked a link and then another link and then yet another link… OMFG. I can’t believe he saiod all those terrible things.

    Gives me pause.

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