Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

John Kerry is a man of the world, but now his flip-flopping has soared astronomically, to the point where it’s on a genuinely cosmic scale.

Yes: no longer content with threatening the leaders of weak, divided countries in the Middle East with abject destruction, Kerry is turning his achingly dynamic turrets on a higher target:

Lord Xenu!

So, let’s see where we go with this one. Read more Batshit Woo Peddler John Kerry Declares War on Lord Xenu

Share

2020 Vision: UK Election Prediction

Time to look back at an old piece of mine, and think about whether it’s just all about ‘way back then.’

http://glossynews.com/top-stories/unamerican-world-news/201505110348/london-riots-who-are-the-real-orwellians/

In scenes mirroring the previous general election, raving hordes of self-righteous middle-class career decents have taken to the streets to protest the “Orwellian” hung parliament. Apparently the number of people who were eligible to vote, and who didn’t, is in the ten percents, at least! Read more 2020 Vision: UK Election Prediction

Share

End of the Gay Dinosaurs: Fox News Steals the March on Glossy News

What do Fox News folks think about homosexuality and the end of the dinosaurs? Will male-on-male love bring about the end of the human species, just as it ended the reign of the dinosaurs?

Bill O’Reilly

Well, who’s to say? I don’t know. Maybe they just got gay-feminist-transdarwinist-cultural-marxist-crony-socialist-union-thug-gun-hating-dino-flu.

I mean, hell, I’m just throwing that one out there! I never said I had all the answers.

Glenn Beck

Read more End of the Gay Dinosaurs: Fox News Steals the March on Glossy News

Share

“Crypto-Leftie Tabloids” Conspiracy Theory: John Gray & Richard Dawkins Respond

A year ago, Glossy News recently gave you The Absolute Truth on how tabloid journalism in the UK works.

That’s right: my recent article on how “right-wing moral panic journalism” is actually a Trojan horse for “far-left-radical-deep-cover-subversion.”

Still, I thought I should ask a couple of scholars, because as is well enough known: Read more “Crypto-Leftie Tabloids” Conspiracy Theory: John Gray & Richard Dawkins Respond

Share

Speaking Truth to Power: The Intercept is Defending Boehmermann’s Freedom with Full Consistency

In the past, I have been heavily critical of The Intercept, and of Glenn Greenwald’s stance on the Charlie Hebdo martyrs. However, I have noticed a pattern developing recently.

First of all, upon the renewal of the fatwa against Salman Rushdie (essentially a glorified hitman contract from God!), The Intercept did not blame Rushdie for ‘provoking’ his critics. Read more Speaking Truth to Power: The Intercept is Defending Boehmermann’s Freedom with Full Consistency

Share

4K Glossy News Podcast 040 (4-25-16)

The 4K/UHD podcast is back again this week with guest Jason Jones for most of the podcast.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the April 25th edition or the podcast:

* Wicked brilliant intro segment rudely interrupted by Jason Jones, who apparently was sitting next to me the whole time, butting in like a proper jackass, and only (apparently) because I told him to do so for comedic effect. What gives, right?

* Interview with a verified crack addict. He explains how Pac-Man led Gen-Xers to the rave scene and the many ways addiction lead to weight loss.

* The best and easiest way to pick up a second job in America.

* Why news teasers and local news stations are just plain terrible.

* Best songs to play at your funeral (Part One)

* Best songs to play at your funeral (Part Two)

Listen to it



Or you can download it by right-clicking and selecting “save as” right here. It’s also available on iTunes.

Watch it on YouTube



Follow me around the web:

iTunes (or search “Glossy News”)
Facebook.com/4KPodcast
Twitter – @4KPodcast
Reddit.com/r/GlossyPodcast
YouTube.com/glossynews
GlossyNews.com/podcast

Segment bumpers and background music by Greg the Hero Facebook.com/gregtheheromusic. Royalty Free Music “Your Call” “Music for a Funeral Part 11” and “Funkorama” by Kevin MacLeod — Incompetech.com.

Share

Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya’

Ted Cruz has recently given stuck it to the man over our trembling, weak-kneed bending over for the nefarious forces of Big Privacy.

His Most Exalted More True-Believe-ier Than Trumpness flashily remarks:

The war on surveillance is motivated purely by an ignoble politics of envy. The fact is, the guys we have monitoring your webcams have bigger dicks than you do; I think we can just take that one as given!

So if you want to squirm and slide around, or dick around (I hardly think it!), or even just go on a full-blown blazing rampage, and create some disreputable orgy of counter-conservative kiss-ass to your enemies, then be my guest! I can take it. Read more Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya’

Share

Are You Boehmermann? Join The Spectator’s ‘Offensive Erdogan Poetry Competition’

The Spectator are holding an ‘Offensive Erdogan Poetry Competition!’ Douglas Murray aptly notes:

The very possibility of putting someone on trial for being rude about Erdogan is as illiberal or rather anti-liberal as these things come.  It will be hardly more of a relief if he is found ‘not guilty’ than if he is found ‘guilty’. Read more Are You Boehmermann? Join The Spectator’s ‘Offensive Erdogan Poetry Competition’

Share

Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Angela Merkel isn’t having such a good time right now; the not-so-Iron Chancellor’s craven capitulation to Erdogan looks like it may backfire.

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/angela-merkel-s-fawning-over-erdogan-will-put-the-turkish-president-not-jan-b-hmermann-in-the-dock-a6988076.html

The article above refers to a previous precedent by the European Court of Human Rights as follows: Read more Germany’s Humorless Strong Leader Hits the Bunker

Share

4K Glossy News Podcast 039 (4-18-16)

The 4K/UHD podcast is back again this week with even more great insightful than ever.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the April 18th, (the actual) tax day edition.

* Billion Dollar Business idea… just name your company something that actually rhymes with “orange” and you’ll be set for life. Read more 4K Glossy News Podcast 039 (4-18-16)

Share

Devastating Campaign Trail Interview: Hillary ‘Misspeaks’ Over Links to Wall Street

Hillary Clinton is renowned for her talents in the highly competitive artistic fields of evasive and equivocal rhetoricmongering. How did she react recently when I grilled her about her ties to Wall Street?

Wall Street? Uh, excuse me, but we’re going to have to define our terms here. [Aside]: And by ‘we,’ I mean ‘me…’ ohhh, shit! It’s not really working this time, is it??

You know, all these big banks you are receiving money from?

Well, first of all, how do you define ‘big?’ Read more Devastating Campaign Trail Interview: Hillary ‘Misspeaks’ Over Links to Wall Street

Share

US: ISIS Must Sign TTIP “Or Else…”

WASHINGTON – U.S. State Department spokesman Milo Minderbinder announced today that ISIS must sign the TTIP [Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership] treaty by year’s end “or else we will retaliate with extreme prejudice. All options are on the table!”
“Terrorist organizations that control substantial assets, such as oil, should not be exempt from TTIP just because they are not recognized nation-states. TTIP is about promoting free trade, a goal that I’m sure that terrorists who specialize in decapitation videos can appreciate,” Minderbinder stated. Read more US: ISIS Must Sign TTIP “Or Else…”

Share

4K Glossy News Podcast 038 (4-11-16) – Tax Day Edition

The 4K/UHD podcast is back again this week with even more great insightful than ever.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the April 11th, tax day edition 2016 4K/UHD podcast.

* Tax Day public service announcement (PSA) about how to stay on top of your tax issues, and all the reasons you really, really need to do it.

* The study of what makes a good flag and the unveiling of the new, unofficial flag for the city of Seattle.

* Definitive proof that Facebook is a smart phone battery killer. Seriously, if you have problems with your smart phone battery, get rid of Facebook and Messenger (two separate apps!) to double or triple your battery life.

* Forget the Make-A-Wish Foundation. This new Keep-A-Wish Foundation will focus on kids who will also develop memories to last a lifetime, but specifically, lifetimes longer than a few weeks or months.

* Four ways to FAIL at silencing your phone in places where you’re supposed to be quiet and respectful.

* 4K/UHD review of 2016 film Eddie the Eagle starring Hugh Jackman and Taron Egerton. It’s a true-ish story and a wonderful film, with a few caveats.

* A quick explanation of the Panama Papers leak, why it might not be as bad as you think, and why it actually is. There are legit ways to do a shell corporation, but this isn’t it.

* If you’re sick of trying to talk reason to Trump supporters, have no fear, there is a solution. Just talk bullshit to them, as I have, and help them keep ratcheting up the crazy. They eat that stuff up like you wouldn’t believe.

Listen to it



Or you can download it by right-clicking and selecting “save as” right here. It’s also available on iTunes.

Watch it on YouTube



Follow me around the web:

iTunes (or search “Glossy News”)
Facebook.com/4KPodcast
Twitter – @4KPodcast
Reddit.com/r/GlossyPodcast
YouTube.com/glossynews
GlossyNews.com/podcast

Segment bumpers and background music by Greg the Hero Facebook.com/gregtheheromusic. Royalty Free Music “Your Call” and “Funkorama” by Kevin MacLeod — Incompetech.com.

Share

Careful About Brand Tarnishing: (Sci-fi Parodies Included)

When it comes to using a brand name in a negative light, authors walk a very fine line. Brand “tarnishment” is vaguely analogous to defamation, and disparaging use of a brand name is often easier to find as publishing moves to the ebook and audiobook formats.

Read more on this topic from the following article I discovered:

http://www.thebookdesigner.com/2013/03/5-top-legal-issues/

This is quite an important thing for those of us who write satire or other fiction. But if, as the article above says, “Brand names should be reserved for describing that particular product or service offered by the company,” then, one might ask: how to avoid tarnishing trademarks? What other strategies are available?

The article gives one idea: Read more Careful About Brand Tarnishing: (Sci-fi Parodies Included)

Share

Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy)

You ever wonder what your politicians get up to when your back is turned? Don’t be on edge any longer! These hard-working, rugged, men of the people always have their eye out for a new opportunity, and they never say no to an expedient and enticing opportunity for engaging more intimately with their beloved constituents and members.

***

The Wet-Dream Team: Having Great Britain’s Back and Making England Big Again!

Scameron Bliss

Foxy Liam

Major League Johnny

Gorgeous Gideon

Haguey-Bums 29 Read more Unanticipated Leak from Westminster Porn Star Generating Machine (Messy)

Share

Dear American Refugees, Welcome to Canada

Greetings, American Refugees,

On behalf of the people of Canada, we would like to welcome you to our country. We hope you’ll enjoy your stay. We’re starting to worry about your nation’s apparent complete psychological breakdown. You were doing so well these past eight years with President Obama.

He seemed like an awfully nice fellow. We’re not really sure what has caused your country to go off the rails, but as we’ve watched your presidential election primary coverage, it appears millions of your fellow Americans have gone utterly bonkers. Read more Dear American Refugees, Welcome to Canada

Share