Cruz & Khameini Gush: ‘End Big Privacy, Before You Get What’s Comin’ To Ya’

Ted Cruz has recently given stuck it to the man over our trembling, weak-kneed bending over for the nefarious forces of Big Privacy.

His Most Exalted More True-Believe-ier Than Trumpness flashily remarks:

The war on surveillance is motivated purely by an ignoble politics of envy. The fact is, the guys we have monitoring your webcams have bigger dicks than you do; I think we can just take that one as given!

So if you want to squirm and slide around, or dick around (I hardly think it!), or even just go on a full-blown blazing rampage, and create some disreputable orgy of counter-conservative kiss-ass to your enemies, then be my guest! I can take it.

(Yeah, that one goes for you too, Ruby boy!)

But don’t you ever, ever think Ted Cruz is gonna take this lying down! There’s only so much I can allow to be tossed at me before I give as good as I get!

So I ain’t teasing you when I say this: don’t you tread on my ass lightly, son! Because if you do, I swear you people won’t know what’s coming, until it hits you in the face; and then being all stuck-up and jittery will be the least of your concerns when the shit finally hits the fan!

Notable moderate political Islamist and not-so-moderate homophobic mass-murderer Ayatollah Khameini was far from dissatisfied with Ted Cruz’s broadly, erm, widely authoritarian stance.

Shit! These GOP bitches are hot! he murmurs, as he gushes all over my quivering microphone.

Ohhh, I sure do wish these guys could come over here in my Iran and teach me a thing or two!

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Originally published on Satirical-Industrial Complex. Sorry if you were offended!’ 😉

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Author: Wallace Runnymede

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