The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”

WASHINGTON – Global leaders negotiating the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) affirmed the necessity of secret negotiations for the massive trade and “global governance” deal.

“The TPP is for your own good. Trust us,” stated senior negotiator Mickey Cantwell.

“Only highly-paid lobbyists can possibly understand the TPP text. It’s like NAFTA on steroids. I don’t think that mere journalists, ordinary consumers, or the useless eaters in Congress could possibly understand the TPP.” Read more The Secret Trans-Pacific Partnership: “The TPP Is Good for You. Trust Us”

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Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (1/2)

Mitt Romney has released a new highly lucrative and highly non-ghostwritten handbook for businesspersons and 2016 GOP election frontrunners (insofar as there is a difference).

The text of Business People is made up of three very informed and erudite chapters:

Corporations are people.

No really, believe me, I swear I wouldn’t lie to you. Corporations are people.

FFS I swear I am just telling you the honest truth, they are, they are, they are! OHHH, they just frickin’ ARE, dammit!… Stupid, stupid, mainstream socialist jerks!!!

Here is an exclusive extract for all Glossy News readers, subtitled (but not ‘entitled!’): Read more Trump Slams Romney’s Pretentious ‘Business People’ Book (1/2)

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NRA Starts Big Push To Get Guns Into The Hands Of As Many Wackos As Possible

Realizing statistically that whenever there is a gun related mass murder by a mentally ill individual or group that gun sales go up out of fear that they will be outlawed.

Because of this gun manufacturers have started pushing the NRA to get more guns into the hands of as many psychopaths as possible.

A secret email has been acquired by a hacker and turned over to Washington newspapers who in turn exposed it to the reading public. Read more NRA Starts Big Push To Get Guns Into The Hands Of As Many Wackos As Possible

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British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

Unsurprisingly, it turns out that the supposedly “right-wing” media in the UK has been infiltrated by malign and conspiratorial forces.

To wit, a vicious gang of far-left radical extremists™ who are attempting to destroy every last vestige of conservative, libertarian, classical liberal, theocratic and even any vaguely centre-leaning politics from the inside.

Rod Liddle murmurs:

Hey man, it was only meant to be a bit of a laugh. I’ve always had a soft spot for Old Labour.

I mean, all this time, I never intended to pander to Tories at all, let alone UKIP or BNP.

I mean, what I’m saying now is not that different from what us lefties were all saying a few decades back! Read more British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

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4K Glossy News Review – One Hour Weekly Podcast is Live

Today GlossyNews launches the official podcast.

Technology, jokes, religion, Double-D list celebrities and more all feature prominently, so for the love of web, give it at least a solid five minutes of attention.

Celebrity guests will only get bigger by the show, and the quality is climbing by the podisode, so check it out and subscribe! Read more 4K Glossy News Review – One Hour Weekly Podcast is Live

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Megachurch Enterpreneur Launches Hostile Takeover of Vatican

Pope Francis has recently denounced the efforts by notable megachurch entrepreneur Merle Swaggett to buy out the Vatican and run the Church on a more modern basis:

The Catholic Church has been around for a fairly long time, but there are some who envy our long track record of spiritual and material success. Read more Megachurch Enterpreneur Launches Hostile Takeover of Vatican

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The Jreat Gif Pronunciation Debate

There controversy over the pronunciation of the file type “.gif” is hotly contested, but there can only be one right answer.

Don’t ask Jeff, Geoff, Gary, Gerald, Jason, George or Jorge, but their anecdotal life experience means nothing to this debate.

There are no giraffes in Jurassic park, but you can buy a toy gun in the gift shop.

When Compuserve engineers invented the .gif file type, a small, animated image file, they made it clear exactly how it is meant to be pronounced. Well, not right away, but within a mere generation and a half. Read more The Jreat Gif Pronunciation Debate

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