Mitt Romney has released a new highly lucrative and highly non-ghostwritten handbook for businesspersons and 2016 GOP election frontrunners (insofar as there is a difference).
The text of Business People is made up of three very informed and erudite chapters:
Corporations are people.
No really, believe me, I swear I wouldn’t lie to you. Corporations are people.
FFS I swear I am just telling you the honest truth, they are, they are, they are! OHHH, they just frickin’ ARE, dammit!… Stupid, stupid, mainstream socialist jerks!!!
Here is an exclusive extract for all Glossy News readers, subtitled (but not ‘entitled!’):
HOSTILE TAKEOVERS ARE A BIG PROBLEM IN THE BUSINESS WORLD
Hi, I’m Mitt Romney. I’m a notable public celebrity, and you may know me from…
Well, um, anyway, no way, well I actually am Mitt Romney, and I’m here to tell you (as you may already have guessed) that:
HOSTILE TAKEOVERS ARE A BIG PROBLEM IN THE BUSINESS WORLD!
HOSTILE TAKEOVERS ARE A BIG PROBLEM IN THE BUSINESS WORLD…
Well, changed the punctuation that time; pretty damn dynamic, huh? 😉
But yes, HOSTILE TAKEOVERS ARE A BIG PROBLEM IN THE BUSINESS WORLD…
Not least because they can risk utterly destroying the personal reputation, or worse still, the business reputation of the person undertaking the purported hostile takeover in question.
In fact, that’s pretty much the only problem.
But it’s still a biggie.
Well, from a particular point of view, I guess. Right?
Um, wrong? …
Flip, that was one hell of a cliffhanger.
Or even a kennelhanger.
What on earth will Trump say?
So, make sure you invest your time wisely tomorrow and read the next instalment…
OK, yeah I know! I’m really clutching at straws here.
Still, at least I’m not the only one, hey? 😛