Megachurch Enterpreneur Launches Hostile Takeover of Vatican

Pope Francis has recently denounced the efforts by notable megachurch entrepreneur Merle Swaggett to buy out the Vatican and run the Church on a more modern basis:

The Catholic Church has been around for a fairly long time, but there are some who envy our long track record of spiritual and material success.

Now, there are some cheeky upstarts who have been quick off the starting block, but who haven’t really had enough time to prove that they have any staying power.

Now, let’s not be fooled by these wannabe partners of ours.

Pastor Swaggett disagrees:

These Vatican guys are clinging on to past glories. They’re just so staid, dusty and conventional.

But we need to make things a bit less fluffy, a little bit less person-centred. What we’re really hoping for is a nice, slick, vaguely bureaucratic but deeply enterprising and dynamic model.

I mean, the old, time-honored models and methods just aren’t working nowadays, so why not just get a bit of youthful freshness, but still hold fast to a bit of the old, more tried and trusted methods…

Well, within reason?

One prominent cardinal has decided to support Pope Francis rather than Pastor Swaggett. Well, at least on this particular issue, if not otherwise.

You know, this is how we’ve always done things. These guys just don’t know what they’re talking about. Their recent windfalls are large, but still not really that impressive, in the grand scheme of things.

Yes, we all know how history and long experience teaches us it’s all about the long haul. So, while we’ve had a few glitches recently, and we don’t (strictly speaking) have a full monopoly, yet even so, it’s not like we’ve properly gone to the wall, is it?

Actually, what these guys don’t seem to realize is that superficially high turnovers (which are actually pretty fleeting and ephemeral in the long run) are not really the point.

You really do have to have a long-term strategy, and just stick to it, and make modest adjustments here and there, to keep things running smoothly, and keep things sustainable in the long run… ideally, forever!

I took a quick hop home to Northern Ireland and discovered that 100% of Catholics agree with Pope Francis, and 100% of Protestants agree with Pastor Swaggett.

On the other hand, 100% of non-religious and followers of other religions chose ‘some kind of third option of one sort or another…’

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