British Right-Wing Media Infiltrated by Far-Left Entryists

Unsurprisingly, it turns out that the supposedly “right-wing” media in the UK has been infiltrated by malign and conspiratorial forces.

To wit, a vicious gang of far-left radical extremists™ who are attempting to destroy every last vestige of conservative, libertarian, classical liberal, theocratic and even any vaguely centre-leaning politics from the inside.

Rod Liddle murmurs:

Hey man, it was only meant to be a bit of a laugh. I’ve always had a soft spot for Old Labour.

I mean, all this time, I never intended to pander to Tories at all, let alone UKIP or BNP.

I mean, what I’m saying now is not that different from what us lefties were all saying a few decades back!

You know, when working men were working people, um, men, and socialists were socialists.

Richard Littlejohn laments:

This has really backfired.

All I ever wanted to do was to make some idiotic and risibly pathetic caricature of right-wing politics, in order to absolute and comprehensively discredit any political position to the right of Pol Pot.

But somehow, to my horror, and against all my best unreconstructed-Soviet intentions, people just lapped it up.

I mean, by now, I’m just trapped in some fantasy semantic Matrix I’ve built for myself, with no hope of getting out of it. Jean-Paul Sartre, anyone?

Yes, it’s got to the point where I don’t even know if there’s a distinction between truth and reality.

I mean, is this war against ISIS actually happening at all? How would we know? Who decides?

Yes, it’s all in Jacques Baudrillard, you know.

Katy Hopkins smirks:

Those silly comments about the migrant ships were not intended to be anti-immigrant in character, so much as to represent an impromptu spontaneous outbreak of radical hard-environmentalist, sub-Foremanesque “theatre of the deed.”

Well, you would think people would be clever enough to know that it was actually the simply scandalous environmental impact of sea-borne gas guzzlers that winds me up, wouldn’t you; and not the immigrants themselves!

Those poor sods, scientifically speaking, were merely the helpless pawns of objective trends of historical destiny far beyond the capacity of any mere post-human Deleuzian-nomadic individual to resist.

But maybe it’s just possible that the foolish, uneducated rabble out there are somehow incapable of comprehending their objective interest.

Well, it wouldn’t be the first time in history, would it?

No, not the Russian Revolution and the Leninists, you silly boy. I was thinking someone a bit more authentically radical.

Yes of course, Rod. Ernest Mandel. Or, erm…

Ah. Pol Pot, maybe.

Hm, well…

Thanks, Richard! :P

Original version:

http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/magazine/13577/british-moral-panic-tabloid-media-is-far-leftie-conspiracy

 

Author: Wallace Runnymede

I've been writing satire for many years, and I've been published on many sites! Follow me on Twitter, and have a look at my books on Amazon! I've also had some poetry published by Sad Press recently: look out for 'Centrifugue!' I am also a founding member of the #AutisticDarkWeb: check the hashtag out on Twitter! Money's tight, so please consider dropping me $1 a month on Patreon (see link below). All my Patreon subscribers get certain benefits, including exclusive content, way in advance of anyone else!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.