Rick Santorum Declares Himself Trans-Sexual…. But Not Transsexual (2/2)

Time for a bit of

mutual mud-slinging, entrenched opinions and the politics of disagreement

as one notable satirical persona says.

Or again, as another such persona says:

Of course, it’s perfectly true, from one perspective, that…

But the other side of this dilemma, which is equally undeniable and obvious…

Let’s see how US politicians have responded to Santorum’s confession that he is trans-sexual, but definitely, definitely not transsexual.

Nancy Pelosi has promised to support Santorum.

Like any good, true, authentic, honest to God Catholic would

as she puts it.

However, Bernie Sanders was a smidgen more radical about it.

The number one non-number-one Democratic candidate snorts:

That guy is still a right-wing, unaccountable, right-wing, non-Democrat, right-wing homophobe…

Oh, and did I remember to say “right-wing?” Well, pass us the frickin’ champagne!

No, really, I do actually mean it! Give me the damn champagne! I mean, dontcha think this frickin’ campaign money oughta be worth somethin’?!

But Santorum’s fellow Republicans are Outrage’d outraged!

Still, the comments I gathered were a bit NSFW, so I won’t quote ‘em.

Well I mean, hell, here at Glossy News, we’re not exactly George Carlin, are we?

In response, Santorum pleads:

Look. Look. Just hear me out and don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes.

Yes, I am still literally 100% straight, as I’ve already told you. I mean, what I disclosed earlier was supposed to be a purely tactical and non-foundationalist, strategically-essentialist semiotic gesture (sic!)

Look, I’m not saying I’m transsexual. I’m saying I am trans-sexual, you know kind of you know exactly like transracial only completely different.

I mean I was you know trying to say it right kind of at least my words just kind of you then I think I’m saying something and then but when I try to correct my I mean what I’m saying and it’s like to me I’m um…

Woops! It’s there!

Well, it’s about as simple as that.

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

2 thoughts on “Rick Santorum Declares Himself Trans-Sexual…. But Not Transsexual (2/2)

  1. Hence the recent progress in their scientific reasoning. A certain % of GOP people now accept that vaccines are from Satan, so you can’t say they lack cutting-edge awareness of the developments in the academic sphere.

    As for the Democrats? Well, I could probably say a similarly complimentary thing or two about them as well…

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