Categorized | Crime, Politics

Confederate Flags Go On Crime Spree

Confederate Flags Go On Crime Spree

Confederate flags are wreaking havoc all over America. In Asheville, North Carolina, a Confederate flag walked into a school and impaled itself through three students.

An unidentified Confederate flag vandalized a reservoir in San Francisco, wasting millions of gallons of water in the drought-stricken area.

One Confederate flag was seen clinging to the roof of an out of control Dodge Charger speeding through a road construction site in Georgia.

The most dangerous Confederate flag of all held a commanding presence atop a flagpole at the South Carolina statehouse in Charleston until July 10, when a SWAT team, mistaking it for a young African-American man, shot it down in a hail of bullets.

From that vantage point, the flag had terrorized passersby with a constant message of racism and hate since 1962.

Congress held an emergency session to address the matter of Confederate flags that remain at large. The problem is especially bad in Mississippi, where Columbus is the latest of five cities to subdue the heinous flags.

Tom Rooney (R-Fla.) said the flags can only be stopped with the largest, most powerful ammunition, specifically the controversial M855 green tip bullets that are often used for hunting bears and elephants.

“We must make sure every citizen has enough ammo to fight these flags,” said Rooney, urging representatives to stop the Obama administration’s proposal to ban such ammunition. “All citizens must arm themselves for the struggle.”


This post was written by

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Although he's also written for the news parody site The Spoof, Charles is more used to writing fiction than satire. His writing has appeared in The Laurel Review, Fiction Weekly, Dirtflask, Cheek Teeth, and Specter. It has won McNeese State University's Fiction Award and been shortlisted for the Faulkner-Wisdom Creative Writing Competition. He's now writing a young adult novel, Challenge Challenge. His website can be found here.


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