Posted in Politics

(The) News (Really) Bytes – April 2015

The Aurora Joker James Holmes trial finally begins three years after his attack at the premier of a new Batman movie that killed twelve people. Could we just have Batman seal him up in a forgotten part of the Batcave…

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Posted in Politics Serious Commentary

9/11/2001 – The Day After The Unimaginable Happened

(A book serial excerpt) What would have happened had events occurred differently on 9/11? The aircraft nosed through the mid morning sky. Outside the fuselage it was a sleek bird jetting its way through the air, its wings leaving contrails…

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Posted in Politics World News

Sarko in China: “Monsieur Jinping, Break Down This Wall”

Nicolas Sarkozy is universally renowned and respected as the man who single-handedly brought down the Berlin Wall, restored the constitutional liberties and privileges of “La République,” and ended forever the reign of jihadist terror in the entire “monde non civilisée.”…

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Posted in Education

2015 Advice for Graduating Students

I’d been working as an administrative assistant at an Ivy League university for about a year when my boss, the school’s marketing director, asked me to compile a list of inspirational quotes for the graduating class. I dutifully sent a…

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Posted in Internets Tubes Politics Video News

Our Crowdfunded North Korea Movie is Chugging Along, but it Needs Your Help

Kim Jong-Un is reportedly flipping his shit since the wide release of “The Interview”, which even his most dastardly designs did nothing to diminish. We’re about halfway done filming ours, and I must say, it… looks… amazing. “The Interview” was…

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Posted in Politics Serious Commentary

The Convenience of Misogyny? Kerry, Clinton, the White-Knight-Industrial Complex (2/2)

Continuing what I said yesterday about about John Kerry’s ethically problematic text on war rape and its pro-“Humanity” implications… Of course, there is fierce market competition among the The Party of Humanity, rather as there are among all religious cults,…

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Posted in Politics Serious Commentary

The Convenience of Misogyny? Kerry, Clinton, the White-Knight-Industrial Complex (1/2)

As Hillary Clinton has announced she is running for the US Presidency, it is probably a good time to take a broader look at the potential pitfalls of politicians being presented as “feminists.” I don’t dispute that feminism (however defined)…

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Posted in Human Interest Society

Decidophobic Man Unable to Dismiss Completed Calendar Task Involving Ex-Girlfriend

Wilbur, Kansas – 29-year-old Marketing Manager, Larry Rossgarden, has considered himself to be a procrastinator since his college days at the University of Kansas, where he would consistently delay writing papers and studying for exams until literally minutes before they…

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Posted in Politics

Republicans Start Hauling Out and Dusting Off Their Borg-like Candidates.

The 2016 Presidential Election is starting out with snail like excitement and colorful shades of gray-toned vibrancy. The Republican Party is beginning to wheel out their musty Presidential hopefuls for the public to gawk at. What is not let out…

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Posted in Kidz Zone Opinion/Editorial

Better parenting through polling

When it comes to parenting, I don’t always make the best decisions. I’m not always sure what the right thing to do is in a difficult situation. Like the time our elder daughter begged and pleaded with me to let…

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Posted in Politics Religionism

Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (2/2)

Unlike Khomeini-ite Fiqh, TULIP-flavor Calvinism, and other scientific and empirically rigorous political discourses, “nice guy” and “friendzoning” are ideological aberrations that are completely detached from reality. Still, that didn’t stop Khameini giving it to us one last time: I mean,…

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Posted in Politics Religionism

Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (1/2)

Some would say that The Enemies Of Our Glorious Nation™ are quarrelsome folk. (Or if not “enemies of America,” at least the enemies of the non-satire news media and of The International Beltway Community). Still, there is such a thing…

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Posted in Human Interest Talky Pictures

New Dog Treat Introduced in Honor of Ghostbusters Reboot

St. Louis, Missouri – As the newest Ghostbusters film comes closer to fruition, more and more companies are releasing products that, in thought, will appeal to the everyday consumer who doubles as a Ghostbusterian. The latest household name to join…

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Posted in Politics

Lincoln Monuments Attacked When Americans Realize He Created Income Tax

Upon reading an article in a national newspaper stating that Abraham Lincoln was the one responsible for starting federal income tax, angered Americans across the country began a hate campaign against all memorabilia of the formerly beloved President. Mobs in…

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Posted in Strange People

Exclusive – An Interview With Mrs. Tsarnaev- Mother Of The Boston Bombers

Glossy – Good day, Mrs. Tsarnaev! Thank you for agreeing to do this interview with us. Mrs. Tsarnaev – You should be thankful, you American sensationalist pig. Glossy – Um…. well, that gets things off to a rousing start! As…

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Posted in Politics

LibDems Exclusive Leak: Who’s Next When Cleggy Leaves the Building? (2/2)

Nick Clegg might not have won the election yet, but he still has the chance to be the next Anthony Eden… Or at least David Cameron, at a push.

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Posted in Entertainment Human Interest

Welcome to CatMatch.com

Exciting news from Match.com, the world’s largest online match-making service. Since our launch in 1995, our goal has been to help men and women find their perfect someone. To date we have found matches for several million people – and…

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Posted in Politics

LibDems Exclusive Leak: Who’s Next When Cleggy Leaves the Building? (1/2)

Almost forgot the name of that there oul’ party until the objective BBC™ reminded me. As them there boys on Radio Ulster say, “You boys get around, don’t ye?” Not normally a compliment.

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Posted in Society

Guy Desperate for Job Will Take Anything That Doesn’t Make Him Question Self Worth

Jacob Ericsson is broke and about to be homeless. But he’s looking for work and will accept any offers as long as he’s not “too good” for the job. Ericsson made a plea for any and everyone to e-mail him…

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Posted in Politics

The Ballad of “Old Hillary”

THE BALLAD OF “OLD HILLARY” (sung to “The Battle of New Orleans”) In twenty-fifteen we had a little slip Along with Hillary Clinton on her presidential trip. She wrote a little book but it didn’t sell so well Then we…

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