Nicolas Sarkozy is universally renowned and respected as the man who single-handedly brought down the Berlin Wall, restored the constitutional liberties and privileges of “La République,” and ended forever the reign of jihadist terror in the entire “monde non civilisée.”
But his aura is slipping somewhat. France’s most genial, witty, charismatic, and talented “notable public figure” has upset the government of a leading nation.
Admittedly, as the Chinese Communist Party is not a straight-vanilla late-capitalist White Anglo Saxon corporatist legislative entity like France…
Well, Notre Sarko, like Our Harold (re: his wanton, inexcusable disobedience on Vietnam), thought he could just let it blow over.
But he has had to
fesse up ‘fess up, and tell us what went wrong.
As a bit of entirely unnecessary and utterly unamusing backstory, Nicolas Sarkozy did indeed break down the Berlin Wall, as the original Reagan speech actually said.
But sadly, the speech was (as a certain notable public figure in France tells me):
Maliciously audioshopped by the Holy Alliance of Unaccountable Brussels-Caliphate-Black-Jewish-Hip-Hop-Pied-Noir-Egalitarian-Derridean-Unreconstructed-Cultural-Marxist-Ivory-Tower-68er-Pacifist-Le-MacDo-Postmodern-Supremacist-Illuminati.
(However, the flamboyantly carnivalesque celebrity father of my conspicuously moderate source disagrees with her. He says the name of the culprit was about five times as long as that).
Still, not everyone agrees that Sarko single-handedly saved Europe from the only thing worse than being dominated by an unaccountable neo-corporatist colonial project that is somewhat earlier than the more recent unaccountable neo-corporatist colonial project by which you are currently dominated.
Indeed: for some deeply un-European evidence in
English Rosbif-ese of Sarko’s original “abattez ce mur” error:
And from an intimately subservient state media ally of Sarko himself,
Still, the homme with da bomb slipped up when his gazed extended far beyond the well known not so mythical abstraction of the “International Community,” to all those other myriad, multiplicitous, achingly “autrui” and Other bits of the world. “Hell is other people,” right?
Eh bien, mesdames et messieurs. All I have intended to say is that the Great Wall of China, it is a great triumph of civilization of which the Chinese race… eh bien, I mean the Chinese nation, should be very proud. You know, ever since Napoleon brought the light of civilization and Enlightenment to the Mussulmans in the… eh bien, 17th century or something like that…
Well, we have always known that China is the closest thing you can find to an actual complete, authentic, and literate civilization outside Europe.
We never once dreamed of conquering China, not even in the height of our Imperial glory; because we knew that China was too mighty and well-armed… eh bien, too powerfully cultivated and well-endowed with literary culture.
It is difficult to compare China with les noirs and les Musulmanes and the other authentically barbarian peoples, who are even more thoroughly lacking in etiquette and cultivation… eh bien, petit con, why you are misquoting me? I must demand that you show me your transcript…
What this Saxon bullshit is, what you are writing? Why you do not write in the French, the refined and civilized langue de la culture? Racaille! J’te chie à la gueule! Canaille grossière!!!
But yes… China, we should follow the model of China, but not too closely. We must maintain our metaphysical purity and integrity, so that the error of cultural equivalence may not be tolerated.
And one way to accomplish this is to do what the Chinese did: they built a wall to keep out the savages and barbarians.
Well, perhaps we also can do this?
Perhaps we can out-Chinese the Chinese…
And even keep the Chinese themselves out? 😉
Ah yes…. It commences with rap music, masjids, and the poisonous Saxon culinary abominations; and it ends with Communist subversion and decadent 68er cultural materialist postmodern semiotical deconstructionist semantic terrorism.
However, I believe that China’s exclusionary policy towards non-Chinese is simply despicable.
We all live in a single, monolithic, non-Foucauldian, pre-Althusserian Global Village…
Hence, for China to stubbornly resist the just and righteous claims of Humanity, in the face of universal suffering and the plight of our shared Global Community of individuals…
Well, if China values liberty, equality and brotherhood, she must immediately introduce a more enlightened immigration policy…
And cease her backward, isolationist stance towards immigrants and asylum seekers from Japan, Korea, and other nations which, to speak the truth, are barely more civilized than China herself.
Any nation that arrogantly disdains to respect the rights of outsiders, while permitting capital to flow freely instead, should become a pariah among all decent people in our world.
And in order to assist you with this noble endeavour, one consummately worthy of any one of the most enlightened and tolerant nations in the world, I now gloriously wield my Magic Sarko Democratic Teaspoon and:
Tap, tap, tap.
Remember, miracles do not occur once only…
Apart from the the Enlightenment, the French Revolution, and especially, the supremely noble and principled reaction that delivered the universal interest from both of these atrocities…
All three, nevertheless, being glorious, inimitable marks of comprehensively civilized nations…
Rather than of ones which, like China, have admittedly done rather commendably, considering the circumstances.
So: once I have broken down the Berlin wall; and now I deliver you also. Never forget you have a true, sincere and heartfelt friend and ally in France; we need as much of your financial investment as we can steal…
Eh bien, MANAGE!!!
I did a quick straw poll. A small number of correspondents (say 1.6 billion people or so) said Sarko was talking out of his fesse. It seems that he still has some difficulty work to do to win people over.
Still, that pales in comparison to the gargantuan task he faces in La Belle République!
Disclaimer: It is arbitrarily alleged by the malicious and vindictive enemies of Wallace Runnymede in the famously non-satire news media, that the meme for this article is “grammatically incorrect.” Do not be fooled. Wallace Runnymede does not make mistakes. Like Sarko, he merely dynamically reconfigures his lexical strategies in light of the purely value-free and objective given constraints and opportunities. It’s all in Lévy/Glucksmann, you know.