Republicans Start Hauling Out and Dusting Off Their Borg-like Candidates.

The 2016 Presidential Election is starting out with snail like excitement and colorful shades of gray-toned vibrancy.

The Republican Party is beginning to wheel out their musty Presidential hopefuls for the public to gawk at. What is not let out into the community eye is that each and every one of them is a surgically altered Borg.

For those non-geeks who are unfamiliar with Borgdom Borgs are humans who have been partially replicated with computerized parts making them half machines with the machine part having dominance.

The Repub surgeons are masters at tweaking a somewhat normal human (remember- they are Republicans to begin with) and adding just the right amount of mechanisms to be able to control them thoroughly while still making them seem human outwardly.

They put in the right amount of seemingly normal humanistic traits to convince the public that they are really like them and understand their troubles, then dump in enough finely tuned robotic characteristics to make them ruthless attendants to the corporate elite who are the real juice providers to the Campaign.

As an added measure this election cycle the political Masters have added a new color dye into the batch- mostly a fine shade of brown; not too much, not too little, just enough to woo Latino voters over to their side of the fence.

Chief operating Borgs Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio are fine examples of this new model of semi-simulants.

A specially synthesized chorus of mental implants make them seem to understand the frustrations of most white and off-color Americans while another inserted chip makes them seem to be companneros to the Hispanic listeners of their drivel.

All 2015 operating Borgs have been specially trained to vindictively hate and attack anything said or put forth by present President Barack Obama.

A specialized chip is inserted that makes the Borgs nitpick over any mistake an enemy combatant……excuse me, campaigner makes.

There is also an automatic scathing attack response mode impressed upon their circuits designed to trigger a reaction against Hillary Clinton or any other Democratic candidate who dares show their head above the ground.

This special class of highly automated Borgs are adept at smiling on cue at certain responses, foaming at the mouth at perceived enemies, uttering patriotic chatter at the drop of a hat, saying exactly what the voting public most wants to hear and acting only on the real wishes of the political, military and financial elite of this country.

There is also a special modem installed that his highly tuned to perceive the best way to funnel campaign funds in their direction. The Borg engineers are making sure they have all their bases covered.

The Koch Brothers have made sure that there is a special chip inserted into each Republican Borg that allows them to take over total control and manually run any individual Borg that they find straying from the program. (You could say they have the ability to ‘put Martin Cruz on cruise control’.)

Meanwhile, on the liberal side of things, Hillary Rodman Clinton has announced herself as a candidate for the Democrats. Now WHO could have seen that coming???

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at

5 thoughts on “Republicans Start Hauling Out and Dusting Off Their Borg-like Candidates.

  1. Bob, you want to what? You want to assimilate what…? You ain’t assimilating nothing around here, junior. Better assimilate your ass on away from here is what you better do!

  2. I resent to use of Borg as fodder for your petty Earth politics. We Borg are a proud race…we Borg are a proud race….we Borg are a proud race…sorry, just a little programming bug. But anyway, we Borg are a proud race and to use us in portrayals of bickering, back-biting politicians without true vision or unified purpose would really piss us off if we still had functioning bladders. So it suffices to say we are highly miffed.

    While describing the Borg like features of these Republicans as you call them fails utterly to demonstrate how diverse we Borg really are, not the one-dimensional lumbering retards as depicted in your crappy science fiction.

    All these parts and no mention of Borg penises? Oh yeah, we got ’em. The Queen demands such appendages be available at her slightest whim. And between you and me she’s whimming all the time.

    And not the wimpy little snack bags of mostly water you people call a penis. Our are multi-functional to the point of making a Swiss Army knife look like a one trick pony. Not the size of a Swiss army knife though. Bigger. Much bigger. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    And our art and music are unsurpassed in the galaxy. Here’s some now….wanna hear it again? IDIOTS you have so totally missed the subtlety of Borg lyrics. This ain’t Pink Floyd, you know!

    Never again compare us to Republicans or so help me Borg Queen we’re gonna come down there and NOT assimilate you. And you do NOT want that!

  3. We’re Hill and Randy, and we don’t approve of your disparaging reference to unlawful combatants… um, campaigners.

    Just remember, RFreed, we have done so much for you, and still you disrespect our notable campaigns for keeping free from the distracting entanglements of mere 80% security.

    It is to be hoped that this mister RFreed will waken up to how much he owes to us. We NEVER forget the names of people who do not properly an eternally pledge allegiance to their sole and only benefactors.


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