Year: 2012
Allen West concedes defeat– “All I want to do is dance.”
TALLAHASSEE–Allen West conceded today that life was way too short to sit back and count votes. The defeated GOP incumbent congressman from Florida has decided instead to toss the political towel to newly elected Patrick Murphy, Democrat, freeing West to…
Karl Rove Meets His Dark Karma in a Filthy Washington Alley
Karl Rove, weasel extraordinaire and famous shill for the Republican Party, was found unconscious, beaten half to death and left lying in a Washington alley early this morning. Surveillance tapes retrieved from security cameras around the neighborhood revealed a most…
White Woman Claims Watching 3D Film Made Her Pregnant w/ Black Child
Fort Bragg, NC – (SatireWorld.com) – A white American couple gave birth to black baby boy in August at the Army hospital located in the sprawling Fort Bragg complex. The very surprised woman claimed she had become pregnant while watching…
Sick of White House Petitions? Here’s the Cure
GlossyNews.com editor Dexter Sinistri recently submitted a petition for single-payer healthcare which met the threshold and is now live on their site… but he has another petition, one to put all petitions to shame. UPDATE: 11/20/12 – This morning the…
Coalition Government Targets “Work-Shy” Slackers
In an official statement released only to the Daily Mail and the Daily Express, the Coalition government, made up of the Conservative and the Liberal Democrat parties, announced that they would be using the Work Capability Assessment (WCA) on another…
Conservatives Enter Welcomed Death Spiral on Benghazi
Conservatives really want to make a big deal out of this, but it just isn’t. They can’t understand why nobody cares, but nobody does, and it’s because embassies are safer under Obama than Bush. You want answers, right? This is…
ATOS Declares Dead Man Fit for Work
In a shocking lapse of judgement last week, an assessor from ATOS Origin placed James Wright, 62, in the ‘fit for work’ group mere moments after he had suffered a fatal stroke. “It was a nightmare,” Rosemary, Mr. Wright’s widow,…
The Budding U.S.-al-Qaeda Reconciliation
The US and al-Qaeda find themselves on the same side again. Ayman al-Zawarhiri, the top leader of al-Qaeda has issued a call for a religious war against Syria, as has Hilary Clinton, the US Secretary of State. I caught up…
Despite Defeat, Romney Vows to Keep Running
Mitt Romney has reportedly been admitted to Massachusetts General Hospital with what is being described as a severe case of political addiction. Sources close to the Republican presidential nominee say that his defeat in this year’s election revealed the previously…
Girl Scouts Rappel Off the Fiscal Cliff for IKEA
DENVER–One hundred girls celebrated the one hundredth anniversary of the Girl Scouts today by dangling off the fiscal cliff. All participants wore safety gear while standing on the rungs of a mile-long rope ladder lashed together by scouts rocking the…