Girl Scouts Rappel Off the Fiscal Cliff for IKEA

DENVER–One hundred girls celebrated the one hundredth anniversary of the Girl Scouts today by dangling off the fiscal cliff.

All participants wore safety gear while standing on the rungs of a mile-long rope ladder lashed together by scouts rocking the National Election Day Jamboree.

“Some politicians believe going off the fiscal cliff won’t damage the economy,” offered a Scout leader. “We’re here to show one loose knot and it’s all over.” A collective scream stopped her short. “Oh look. It’s happening now! Wave, girls! Our founder, Juliette Gordon Lowe would be so proud!”

In other youth organizer news, IKEA revealed Girl Scouts worked for merit badges on company production lines back in the 1980’s. Valued for slender, tiny fingers that quickly counted out nuts, bolts and screws bagged for use in assembling furniture at home, the Swedish company is launching an investigation into accusations that brunette scouts of German descent named Anne were forced to toss in extra hardware to screw with the heads of less-than-handy customers attempting to recreate what “looked-so-simple-in-the-store” but at last turn of the galvanized screw, smacked more of postmodern cat scratching post than Fjelsee bed or Poang chair.

More than 59 million women in the United States are Girl Scout alumnae. All—on my honor–are dutiful overachievers with a penchant for military dress (preferably adorned with “fruit salad”) and an eye for a smartly tipped beret in any shade of green.

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