Year: 2011
The Take Back America Do-It-Yourself Self-Government Tool Kit
Does the depressed economy have you feeling DOWN!!!!??? Are you concerned because our government can’t seem to solve our spiraling debt crisis? Confused about how to end the stalemate between Republicans and Democrats over how to restore America’s former greatness…
Homeless Economist Doubts Change in Fed Monetary Policy Can Save Him
WASHINGTON – Embattled Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke’s position on the limited ability of the Fed to stimulate the nation’s sluggish economy was vigorously defended today by a homeless and badly undernourished former expert on monetary policy. Arthur Peterson, a 58-year-old unemployed…
Paranormal Group Explains Evil in Kate Gosselin Home
What began as a routine house cleansing by a local group of paranormal experts called in by Kate Gosselin to rid her home of some negative energy, turned into a blame game between Gosselin and the people trying to help…
Michele Bachmann Claims God Sometimes Tells Her to Say Stupid Things
Michele Bachmann appeared on CBS’s Face the Nation Sunday to cover her tracks yet again with the familiar line “Of course, that’s not what I meant to say. I was just trying to be funny.” Bachmann was trying to explain…
Man Experiences Superhuman Strength And Lifts Remote
Clearwater, FL—Local Comcast technician, Mike Haynes, reportedly experienced superhuman strength after nine hours of television on Saturday. Between the eye strain and sore arm muscles from lifting over 18 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, Haynes wasn’t sure if he’d have…
Bernanke Claims Quantity Not Quality Goal of New Stimulus Plan
In a shocking move this morning, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke announced yet another new plan to stimulate the US economy with what has been labelled ‘Quantative Easing Number Six Thousand Eight Hundred and Forty Seven.’ “Clearly the other six…
Rationalist Party Nominates Neil deGrasse Tyson for President
This afternoon, after polling the five thousand intelligent and educated people in the United States, the recently-formed Rationalist Party announced its nomination of Neil deGrasse Tyson for President. The Rationalist Party was formed in early 2010 by fellows of the…
Invisible Hand Sees its own Shadow, Two More Fiscal Quarters of Economic Downturn
New York, NY– On wall street today, the opening bell signaled one of the institution’s more macabre traditions, releasing the invisible hand, to determine whether it can see its own shadow or not. This tradition dates back to Adam Smith’s…
Labor Day Cancelled
Due to America’s unusually high rate of unemployment, this is the first year since Labor Day became a federal holiday in 1894 that no workers will be taking the holiday off regardless of whether or not their employers are telling…
WikiLeaks Apologizes for Accidentally Releasing Everyone’s E-mail
LONDON – The anti-secrecy organization WikiLeaks today issued a public apology for what it termed a “programming error” that resulted in the accidental release of all deleted messages of the world’s e-mail users. “We sincerely regret this error,” WikiLeaks founder…