Rationalist Party Nominates Neil deGrasse Tyson for President

This afternoon, after polling the five thousand intelligent and educated people in the United States, the recently-formed Rationalist Party announced its nomination of Neil deGrasse Tyson for President.

The Rationalist Party was formed in early 2010 by fellows of the Center for Inquiry – a non-profit organization with the mission of fostering a secular society based on science, reason, freedom of inquiry and humanist values. The party’s platform generally reflects the values of scientists and advocates for science and reason. The Rationalist Party is predicted to become a major political player in the next presidential election.

Neil deGrasse Tyson is an astrophysicist and a prominent and eloquent proponent of science. He is often favorably compared to Dr. Carl Sagan, the late science popularizer.

Tyson was not available for comment on his nomination and it is not yet clear if he will actually campaign. In any case, his name will be on the ballots nationwide come election day.

House leaders, Eric Cantor and Nancy Pelosi were asked for their opinions on Tyson and his nomination by the Rationalist Party. In an unusual turn of events, neither one of them made ad hominem attacks against Tyson’s character. They did however insult or otherwise display offense at the Rationalist Party.

“The Rationalist Party promotes a secular society; in other words, they support atheism,” said Cantor. He went on to say, “As such, I don’t think they’ll be much competition.”

Pelosi, the house minority leader, didn’t speak fondly of the secular political party. “The Rationalist Party is unnecessary because the Democrats are already well on their way to becoming fairly rational.” Off the record she said her biggest problem with the Rationalist Party is that it will drain the Democratic Party of its intellectuals.

According to an anonymous subscriber to Skeptical Enquirer, Neil deGrasse Tyson would be the first honest politician in history. The subscriber went on to say that rocket scientist Tyson would be our first smart President.

The President of Russia, with whom GlossyNews.com enjoys a dedicated and secure phone line, was contacted for his input on this development. Dmitry Medvedev had this to say; “It is doubtful that a nominee of the Rationalist Party will be elected as President of the U.S. in the near future due to the misology, willful disregard for truth, and the general lack of intelligence displayed by the American people.”

After that pessimistic prediction, Medvedev went on to say, “Their lack of appreciation for satire clearly demonstrates the above facts.”

Author: Leon Hostetler

Mocking the obviously ridiculous that is ludicrously overlooked. For more stories by Leon Hostetler, please visit his satire website.

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