Month: December 2010
Rare Formosan Silicone Termites Ruining Hollywood Starlets’ Careers
Hollywood, CA (Glossy News) – So, what can make a Hollywood starlet run away like a scared rabbit? How about a vicious little insect that can devour a thousand times its weight in silicone material a day. Entomologists from around…
Manson Claims He Used Cell Phone to Call Satan
Authorities at Corcoran State Prison in Corcoran, California recently found a cell phone under inmate Charles Manson’s pillow. When confronted, Manson claimed that he didn’t even know what the hell the thing was and said someone must have planted it…
Kelly Osbourne Arrested for DUI? TSG Mugshot Says Maybe
Anyone familiar with Kelly Osbourne knows she has an uncommon love for all things chemical, specifically if they can get her to an altered state, and as a member of the first family of rock, she’s never faced an ounce…
Victoria’s Secret Unveils Dubai-Chic Line, Not Literally
Victoria’s Secret has announced that it will be opening one of its first shops outside of North America—in Dubai of all places. While we can’t speak for the sanity of the folks who take care of expansion projects for the…
Glossy News Implicated In Wikileaks Treason Scandal
Office Of Homeland Security, Washington, D.C. To the Editor Brian K. White, In the latest Wikileaks exposure, a document has been released that we find to be very disturbing. It is a missive sent via what are supposed to be…
Leno Heckled by the Ghost of Johnny Carson
After dispatching Conan O’Brien from the helm of “The Tonight Show”, Jay Leno returned triumphant months ago, only to be confronted by the heckling ghost of Johnny Carson, apparently still haunting the late-night set. Appearing nightly for months during Leno’s monologue,…
Bush Vetoes Nutcracker Appearance Claiming it Sounds Too Painful
George Bush has told his wife Laura that there is no way he is going to accompany her to any ballet, let alone a ballet titled the Nutcracker. “Is she nuts?” asked George, who added, “no pun intended, heh heh…
Wikileaks Insider Leak: Assange is Developing Nuclear Capabilities
United States intelligence sources are claiming that Wilileaks Founder, Julian Assange’s recent release of highly sensitive cables is just the tip of the iceberg of what Assange is truly capable of. They paint the picture of a man who considers…
The Salahis Wounded Crashing 50 Cent’s Christmas Party
Last year’s Whitehouse state dinner crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi were critically wounded last night while crashing rap-artist 50 Cent’s Christmas blow-out. Details remain sketchy, however, several witnesses reported an altercation erupted shortly after the couple entered 50 Cent’s residence….
Thanksgiving Over; Needy Back in Storage
Preliminary reports say this year’s Project ISFC exceeded all expectations. Project I’m So Freaking Compassionate, begun several years ago in Southern California, has now expanded to most of the United States. This year, Thanksgiving meals were served cafeteria fashion to…