Victoria’s Secret Unveils Dubai-Chic Line, Not Literally

Victoria’s Secret has announced that it will be opening one of its first shops outside of North America—in Dubai of all places. While we can’t speak for the sanity of the folks who take care of expansion projects for the corporation, we have to wonder if possibly their bra straps were just a tad too tight when they chose this location to sell lingerie.

Authorities in Dubai will still arrest anyone indecently dressed, so women (and men) hoping to see the standard Victoria’s Secret offerings in the new shop will be quite disappointed. While there will be some see-through and tight-fitting pieces, they will be offered in black only, no lace and all will be floor length. The shop itself will not be located inside a mall but will hidden inside a room in the back of the local
Office of Cultural Affairs.

So far, the most popular item is expected to be the see-thru abaya, under which the women will still be required to wear the traditional opaque black abaya. So why bother you ask? The see-thru abaya will come in such colors as Pink-a-Boo and Va-JJ Violet. “Just the names are racy enough to evoke the entire male population into pleasuring themselves,” claims Jess Abel, Dubai’s Secretary of Culture.

Since the shop will be hidden away, shopping for the lingerie will be quite different as well. Instead of the signature catalog being sent by mail to those who request it, a special “Dubai Edition” catalog will be on view in the shop at the Dubai Center of Culture. Those wishing to see the offerings in the 3-page catalog must first sign a waiver claiming that they will not discuss the contents of the catalog in public.

The catalog itself will contain black and white photos of Arab women wearing black burkinis, a style of tight-fitting, head-to-toe swimming attire for Muslim women first introduced by a Lebanese designer, who has since been jailed, black burqas without the mask, and black stockings under the black burqas, which won’t be visible but will be mentioned.

Early sales of the Victoria’s Secret Bomblastic Bustier have been brisk in anticipation of the grand opening of the new store as sporadic violence has already begun to break out in sections of the city.

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at ISaidLaughDammit.blogspot.com.

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