Month: November 2010
Suicide Bombers Struggle to Get Members Union, Keep Union Members
Today union-minded Iraqis formed Suicide Bombers Locale #467 in Baghdad but had to promptly look for a new union hall as a couple of the members brought their work in with them. Sitting outside the smoldering building, the surviving members…
EHarmony Threatens Survival of Entire Human Race
The popular dating website has tens of millions of users around the globe and claims that the marriages it engenders last longer and are more contented than normal. It bases its matches between singles on compatibility traits. “This is the…
Fox Follows MSBN’s Lead- Suspends Entire Staff Over Campaign Donations
Except in this case, a bit of a surprise, it was actually the Republicans politicians making donations to the reporters. Suspensions are reportedly with pay and can be taken any time over the coming 180-days, or cashed out like traditional…
Cheney, Inspired By “Iron Man”, Reinvents As Superhero (or Villian, Depending)
Inspired by the success and the popularity of Marvel Comics ‘Iron Man’ movie series, Dick Cheney has decided to use the millions he gathered during his tenure as the head of Halliburton and as the shadow head of the United…
Insider: Kato Kaelin to Join NPR for “Balance”
An unusually combative Janet Bryce-Flaverhaven spoke to reporters this week as she unveiled the long awaited 2011 NPR schedule. The venerable broadcasting behemoth, much loved by hundreds of listeners, has been a topic of much recent scrutiny. The reflexive firing…
‘Do Over’ Planned As Britain Finally Challenges Revolutionary War Outcome
Citing dissatisfaction over the outcome of the Revolutionary War, the British Crown has decided that a ‘do-over’ would be in best interests of both countries. In order to spark a bit of controversy, her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has arranged…
Republicans Earn Oscar Nod for ‘Best Act Put On By A Political Organization’
The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences Committee has nominated the Republican Party for a special judges Oscar this year, ‘Best Act Put On By A Political Organization.’ Mrs. Tallulah Bankaccount, head of the board overseeing nominations, stated “The…
New Planet Discovered; Patriotic Americans Worry about Jobs
Scientists are still excited over the discovery of a habitable planet orbiting the nearby red dwarf star, Gliese 581. However, the discovery has many Americans wondering what the government plans to do in the event of an alien invasion. “We…
Macy’s Nixes Taliban March During NYC Thanksgiving Day Parade
According to retailer giant Macy’s, the annual New York City Thanksgiving Day Parade was put on hold today by a New York court after an injunction was granted. The Taliban of Afghanistan protested the parade after its application to march…
Kamikaze Ninja Jihadist Taliban Squirrel Brings Down University
World News -Fairbanks, AK GlossyNews.com – An Al Queda influenced jihadist squirrel attempted to create maximum havoc at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks recently. Successfully penetrating the high security at an electrical substation, the fanatical rodent managed to blow…