Citing dissatisfaction over the outcome of the Revolutionary War, the British Crown has decided that a ‘do-over’ would be in best interests of both countries.
In order to spark a bit of controversy, her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has arranged for 30 UK citizens dressed as Pakastani shop keepers to throw thousands of crates of Coca-Cola into the Thames River on Friday night, followed by forcing US sightseers to go to the rear of all lines at most tourist destinations in London.
This was followed by an immediate departure of several hundred drunken Scotsman to New York where they were to post notices on lamp posts everywhere of the issuing of a new British Tax Stamp required for subject’s sexual activities.
The US retaliated by sending a covert team of frogmen to the Scotland coast to complete a secret mission. Knowing the Scots are adament about practicing safe sex, the secret team will be painting red ‘X’s on all the sheep so the conmfused Scots won’t be able to tell which ones kick.
Ex-President George W Bush and Queen Elizabeth recently met and discussed the war in detail. Bush promised we wouldn’t go ‘new-clur’ and the Queen had no idea what that word meant at first until an aide gave her the real pronounciation. The Queen responded that Americans would have to apologize after calling her son Charles a twit.
The Queen warned that ‘this time we only get to use pitchforks’ which is inline with the scarcity of citizen ownership of firearms due to the massive and restrictive gun control laws in place in the UK.
The first battle is scheduled to be an attack by the British on Archie Bunker Hill about 45 miles north of New York City. Up to 200,000 participants are scheduled to slug it out, each hoping to gain an initiative. Food and bandages will be provided by McDonalds. Pitchforks may be purchased at any Ace Hardware store for an additional 10% discount with coupon.
Reportedly, Bush has secretly arranged for hidden US troops to use flamethrowers and newly developed gay-gas hand granades. The British troops have promised to use hagis and scones on their catapults in retaliation and will wear kilts in case they do get gassed. British troop leaders expressed a desire that they ‘won’t ask if they don’t tell.’
The public is invited. The battle is set for 2PM. Tickets are available at Sconefest.com